(This Song's Just) Six Words Long
This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long
Couldn't think of any lyrics No I never wrote the lyrics So I'll just sing any old lyrics That come to mind, child
You really need words Whole lotta rhyming words You gotta rhyme so many words, mm-mm To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it To do it, to do it right, child
This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long
I know that you're probably sore 'Cause I didn't write any more I just didn't get to complete it So that's why I gotta repeat it
This song is just six words long (six words long) This song is just six words long (six words long)
Oh I make a lotta money They pay me a ton of money They're payin' me plenty of money To sing this song, child
I gotta fill time Three minutes worth of time Oh, how will I fill so much time, mm-mm I'll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo A solo, a solo here
This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long This song is just six words long
This song's got nothin' to say But I'm recording it anyway I know if I put my mind to it I know I could find a good rhyme here
Oh, you gotta have-a music You need really catchy music This song has got plenty of music But just six words, child
And so I'll sing' em over And over and over and over And over and over and over, mm-mm And over and over and over And over and over and over again
Six words long, six words long Six words long, six words long Six words long, six words long
This song is just six words long It's just six words long
A Complicated Song
Uh huh ... extra cheese Uh huh, uh huh ... save a piece for me
Pizza party at your house I went just to check it out Nineteen extra larges What a shame No one came
Just us eatin' all alone You said, Take the pizza home No sense lettin' all this go to waste So then I faced
Pizza all day And every day This cheese 'round the clock Is gettin' me blocked And I sure don't care For irregularity
Tell me Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated? 'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated In the bathroom ... I sit and I wait and I strain And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated? No no no
I was feelin' pretty down 'Till my girlfriend came around We're just so alike in every way I gotta say
In fact, I just thought I might Pop the question there that night I was kissing her so tenderly But woe is me
Who would have guessed Her family crest I'd suddely spy Tattooed on her thigh And son-of-a-gun It's just like the one on me
Tell me How was I supposed to know we were both related? Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated? No no no no no no no No no no no no no no No no no no no
I had so much on my mind I thought maybe I'd unwind Try out that new roller coaster ride And the guide
Said not to stand But that's a demand That I couldn't meet I got on my feet And stood up instead And knocked off my head, you see
Tell me Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated? This really is a major inconvenience, oh man, I really hate it Such a drag, now ... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore I can't belch or yodel anymore Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated
Oh no Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (yeah, yeah) I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated What a bummer Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeeze But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated No no no
Achy Breaky Song
You can torture me With Donnie & Marie You can play some Barry Manilow Or you can play some schlock Like New Kids On The Block Or any Village People song you know Or play Vanilla Ice Hey, you can play him twice And you can play the Bee Gees any day But Mr. DJ, please I'm beggin' on my knees I just can't take no more of Billy Ray
Don't play that song That Achy Breaky song The most annoying song I know And if you play that song That Achy Breaky song I might blow up my radio, ooo...
You can clear the room By playind Debbie Boon Or crank your Abba records until dawn Oh, I can even hear Slim Whitman or Zamfir Don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon Or play some Tiffany On 8-track or CD Or scrape your fingernails across the board Or tie me to a chair And kick me down the stairs Just please don't play that stupid song no more
Don't play that song That Achy Breaky song You know I hate that song a bunch And if you play that song That nauseating song It might just make me lose my lunch, ooo...
Don't play that song That Achy Breaky song I think it's driving me insane Oh, please don't play that song That irritating song I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain...
Don't play that song That Achy Breaky song The most annoying song I know And if you play that song That Achy Breaky song I might blow up my radio, ooo-woo...
Addicted To Spuds
Potato skins, potato cakes Hash browns, and instant flakes Baked or boiled or french fried There's no kind you haven't tried
You planned a trip to Idaho Just to watch potatoes grow I understand how you must feel I can't deny they've got appeal
Whoah You like them whether they are plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough You know, you're gonna have to face it You're addicted to spuds
Your greasy hands, your salty lips Looks like you found the chips Your belly aches, your teeth grind Some tator tots would blow your mind
And you don't mind if they're not cooked You need your fix, I guess you're hooked And late at night you always dream Of bacon bits and sour cream
Whoah, you like them even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah Whee, It's pretty obvoius to me you can't get enough You know you're gonna have to face it You're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Ooh yeah
I'm givin' up, it'sjust no use Another case of spud abuse What can I say, what can I do Potato bug has got me too, Wahoo
I used to hate them, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah Whee, I've often seen then whipped, but they just can't be beat Now I'm gonna have to face it I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds Might as well face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Airline Amy
Met this pretty young stewardess on a non-stop flight She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight Now lately I've been flying to all kinds of places That I never really wanted to go 'Cause I'll do anything just to spend a little time With the sutest flight attendant I know
You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer, Airline Amy Found a little piece of heaven on a 747 And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
Every one of our dates is at thirty thousand feet She always points out the exits to me, she's so sweet You know she gets me my headphones for free Refills my coffee cup whenevr I ask And you gotta admit my baby looks pretty hot When she's wearin' that oxygen mask
Well well, you set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer, Airline Amy Found a little piece of heaven on a 747 And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
Amy, darlin', don't you know you really drive me nuts Every time you're handing out those honey roasted peanuts Airline Amy, this is my new mission Gotta get you in an upright locked position
Oh yeah, you set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy Tell me I'm your favorite frequent flyer, Airline Amy Found a little piece of heaven on a 747 And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy Yeah yeah, you set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy You're the only woman I desire, Airline Amy Found a little piece of heaven on a 747 And no one else can take me higher No one else can take me higher And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy
Albuquerque
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut Every single mornin It wa driving me crazy
I said to my mom I said Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut? And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said IT'S GOOD FOR YOU And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque Albuquerque
Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ahhhh
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be? I say Who is it? No answer Who is it? There's no answer WHO IS IT? They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I'm right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I'm like Hey, you can't have that That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me And he's like Tough And I'm like Give it And he's like Make me And I'm like 'Kay So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said
It said If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says Yeah, what do ya want? I said You got any glazed donuts? He said No, we're outta glazed donuts I said Well, you got any jelly donuts? He said No, we're outta jelly donuts I said You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts? He said No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts I said You got any cinnamon rolls? He said No, we're outta cinnamon rolls I said You got any apple fritters? He said No, we're outta apple fritters I said You got any bear claws? He said Wait a minute, I'll go check No, we're outta bear claws I said Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have? He says All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels I said OK, I'll take that
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over (rabid gnawing sounds) Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin' me apart You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head I believe it went a little something like this . . .
Doh Get 'em off me Get 'em off me Oh No, get 'em off, get 'em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me Oh, oh God Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' Like a constipated weiner dog And as luck wouls have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I'll never forget the first thing she said to me. She said Hey, you've got weasels on your face
That's when I knew it was true love We were inseperable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club? I said Woah, hold on now, baby I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment So we broke up and I never saw her again But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' upi for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin' a lot of attitude
OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say Hey, you want me to help you with that? And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me He's like Hey man, I was just being sarcastic Well, that's just great How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bit in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over And I'm like Hey, come on, don'tcha get it? But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming (screaming sounds) You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandry Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours There's still a little place called
Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said A (A) L (L) B (B) U (U) querque (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Alimony
Here she comes now, wants her alimony Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony Workin' three jobs just to stay in debt now Well, first she took my nest egg then she took the nest I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
(Yeah) 'Cause she took my house (alimony), my car (alimony) My shoes (alimony) and my toothbrush too (alimony) Too bad (alimony), so sad (alimony) Ah-she got (alimony), got the gift of grab (alimony) I'm in debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt)
Lawyer's callin' me on the telephony Tryin' to squeeze some blood from a stonee-stony Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah Then she took me for everything, yeah everything She could get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get)
(Get) Well I'm out of cash (alimony), no dough (alimony) I'm broke (alimony), it's no joke (alimony) The check's in the mail (alimony), get off (alimony) My back (alimony), cut me some slack (alimony) I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
(Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Oh you do (Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Is it due (Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) Or you'll sue (Ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony)
Alimony (yeah), mony (yeah) Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
Wow
(cash register ching)
(Alimony, alimony, alimony) I said (alimony) Come on, come on, come on
Alimony, alimony, alimony Bleed me dry (alimony)
I said no (no), oh no (no) No (no), no (no), no (no), no (no), no (no)
Amish Paradise
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699
We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise I've churned butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar Not a single luxury Like Robinson Caruso It's as primitave as can be
We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're just plain and simple guys Living in an Amish paradise There's no time for sin and vice Living in an Amish paradise We don't fight, we all play nice Living in an Amish paradise
Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Living in an Amish paradise
Angry White Boy Polka
Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort Suffocation, no breathing Don't give a %$@& if I cut my arm bleeding This is my last resort
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's all right, nothing is fine I'm running and a-crying
Wake up (Wake up) Grab a brush and put a little make-up Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup (Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup) Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Here you go create another fable
You wanted to Grab a brush and put a little makeup You wanted to Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to
I don't think you trust In my self-righteous suicide I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die D-d-die die die die die Hey
I'm gonna get free I'm gonna get free I'm gonna get free Ride into the sun
She never loved me She never loved me She never loved me Why should anyone?
(Come here, come here, come here) I'll take your photo for ya (Come here, come here, come here) Drive you around the corner
(Come here, come here, come here) You know you really oughta (Come here, come here, come here) Move out to California
Do what I want 'cause I can If I don't because I wanna Be ignored by the stiff and the bored Because I'm gonna
Hate to say I told you so, all right Do believe I told you so Now it's all out and you knew 'Cause I wanted to
Fell in love with a girl I fell in love at once and almost completely She's in love with the world But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading
Can't think of anything to do Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting She's just looking for something new Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now
Last night, she said Oh baby, don't you feel so down When you turn me off When I feel left out
So I (what'd you do?) Well, I turned around (right around) Oh, baby, gonna be alright It was a great big lie (big old lie)
'Cause I left that night Yeah
Ooh ah ah ah ah Ooh ah ah ah ah
Get up Come on get down with the sickness Get up Come on get down with the sickness
Get up Come on get down with the sickness Open up your hate and let it flow into me
Get up Come on get down with the sickness You mother get up Come on get down with the sickness
Get up Come on get down with the sickness Madness is the gift that has been given to me
We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk We're the renegades of funk
This time I'm 'a let it all come out This time I'm 'a stand up and shout I'm a do things my way It's my way My way or the highway
This time I'm a let it all come out This time I'm a stand up and shout I'm a do things my way It's my way
Or the highway
But I'm on the outside I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation
We are, we are The youth of the nation We are the youth of the nation Hey
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady please Please, please stand up
Slim Shady won't you please stand up? (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady)(Stand up) (Stand up Shady) Shady, won't you please stand up? Hey
Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars
They showed up on my doorstep just a couple weeks ago They looked so sweet and harmless Tell me, how was I to know They got a little too close to the microwave and then much to my surprise They grew to forty thousand times their original size They started mutatin' right before my eyes Oh my
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars A race from a distant place They came in UFOs shaped just like cuban cigars Man oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
The president, he's is a panic The pentagon, they're in shock There's a team of research scientists They got 'em workin' 'round the clock Now the National Guard is out in my back yard And the Marines'll be comin' around I hope they get this lousy rodents out of my town 'Cause the property values are goin' way down now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars They're back and they're lookin' for a snack And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars I hope they're not plannin' to stay Who invited them here anayway Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp And there's one the size of central park They're using telephone pole to pick their teeth They're evil and nasty and they glow in the dark Oh, don't waste any more of your bullets, boys You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot They're gonna stomp us into jelly and conquer the world But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute, now
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars What a racquet they're makin', Jack They keep me up at night playin' they're electric guitars Listen to 'em squeal They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
Hey Jack, you better watch your back Here come those hamsters from a planet near mars Well, well, it's called the Attack of the radioactive hamsters From a planet near Mars A planet near Mars
Baby Likes Burping
You know my baby likes burping You know my baby's kinda nauseating
My little vulgar one is so gross 'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes
And out in public it's embarrassing She'll burp at anyone or anything She's so revolting and disgusting And repulsive to me, yeah
My little lady's so obnoxious Today she walked onto a Greyhound bus goin'
And then a couple hours later My baby's in a crowded elevator
That little filthy pig is so obscene I'm really glad she doesn't like beans She's so revolting and disgusting And repulsive to me, yeah
Oh, I wonder what's her trip Oh, she'd better can it quick Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick
If baby does it anymore I think I'll just pretend like I don't know her
You know my baby likes burping You know my baby is really sickening
That's enough, that's it
Belvedere Cruising
Now, you won't find me braggin' 'Bout my big green station wagon Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws I'm breakin' Everybody knows that I wouldn't dare Match my wits with a red Corvair And just the thought of a Pinto leaves me shakin'
Now, I don't think that I could hack Drivin' a big white Cadillac With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills No, I don't think that I could bear Drivin' somethin' other than a Belvedere In a Belvedere I can really get my thrills
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight Just watch me pass that Porsche on the right I can take you anywhere In my 1964 Belvedere Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
I don't think that I could cruise In one of those small VW's Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck There's somethin' 'bout a Comet That makes me wanna vomit And those Datsuns just ain't worth a Fudgesicle, no
Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight You got nothin' to lose but your life It can take away your blues All you've gotta do is cruise In my big black Plymouth Belvedere tonight
With red upholstery Goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed Woo, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight Yeah, goin' Belvedere cruisin' tonight
Bob
I, man, am regal - a German am I Never odd or even If I had a hi-fi Madam, I'm Adam Too hot or to hoot No lemons, no melon Too bad I hid a boot Lisa Bonet ate no basil Warsaw was raw Was it a car or a cat I saw?
Rise to vote, sir Do geese see god? Do nine men interprite? Nine men, I nod Rats live on no evil star Won't lovers revolt now? Race fast, safe car Pa's a sap Ma is as selfish as I am May a moody baby doom a yam?
Ah, Satan sees Natasha No evil lived on Lonely Tylenol Not a banana baton No x in Nixon O, stone, be not so O Geronimo, no minor ego Naomi, I moan A Toyota's a Toyota A dog, a panic in a pagoda
Oh no! Don Ho! Nurse, I spy gypsies - run! Senile felines Now I see bees I won UFO tofu We panic in a pew Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog! Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog
Bohemian Polka
Is this the real life Is this just fantasy Caught in a landslide No escape from reality Open your eyes Look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy 'Cause I'm easy come, easy go Little high, little low Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me To me
Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, ooo Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my spine Body's aching all the time Goodbye everybody - I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mama, ooo I don't want to die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
I see a little silhouetto of a mam Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the Fandango Thunderbolt and lightning - very, very frightening me Galileo, Galileo Galileo, Galileo Galileo figaro - Magnifico... Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go - let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go Will not let you go - let him go Will not let you go - let him go No, no, no, no, no no no no no!
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me For me
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye So you think you can love me and leave me to die Oh, baby - Can't do this to me, baby Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here
Nothing really matters Anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me Anyway the wind blows - Hey!
Born To Be Mild
Get your program running Head out to the center Terminals are waiting For the data that you'll enter
Everybody says that you're a nerd, but They should know that you just don't care Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and Vaseline in your hair
Like a true mommy's child You were born, born to be mild When your batteries die You're always gonna cry Born to be mild
Pencils in your pocket Patent leather briefcase Studying your Fortran You got pimples on your face
Gotta do your homework Forget about the prom dance They think that you're a big jerk 'Cause you wear a pair of flood pants
Every day you wake up Your oscilloscope is humming Parties tend to break up When they find out that you're coming
Cable TV
I used to think my life was so empty I used to think life was passin' me by Well, I was just about ready To curl up and die
But then one day I got a visit From the cable company Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in And now I got cable TV
And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean Midget wrestling on channel three It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em Yeah, but that's all right with me
I got cable TV (Cable TV) Cable TV (Cable TV) Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy I love my cable TV, yeah I love my cable TV
I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network The news and weather from Peru I got celebrity hockey The Racketball Channel too
Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta Mr. Wizard is on at five I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car So I can watch MTV while I drive
I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs The kind you just can't get for free Now I never wanna leave my apartment 'Cause there's just so much for me to see
On my cable TV (Cable TV) Cable TV(Cable TV) Well, if you need to find me You know where I'll be Watchin' my cable TV, yeah Watchin' my cable TV
'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah I love my cable TV
My friends are gettin' kinda worried They think I'm turning into some kinda freak Oh, but they're just jealous 'cause I've seen Porky's Twenty-seven times this week
On my cable TV (Cable TV) Cable TV (Cable TV) Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me I love my cable TV, yeah I love my cable TV
Well, I got to have cable TV, yeah I need my cable TV
Well, I love, I love my cable TV (TV) Got to have cable TV (TV) Well, I got to have my cable TV, yeah (TV) Can't live without my cable TV
Well, I said, got to have some cable TV (TV) I've got to have my cable TV I said cable TV, yeah (TV) Got to have cable TV
Callin' In Sick
Hit my snooze alarm for the twenty seventh time Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm Gonna hack and cough and wheeze Swear I got some strange disease What's that little twerp gonna say Hey
I'm callin' in sick today Callin' in sick today
I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp I could spend all day in my underwear wathing Ernest Goes To Camp I could sit and count my hair I could burp my Tupperware I'm not busy anyway Hey
I'm callin' in sick today Callin' in sick today Ain't goin' to work, no way Callin' in sick today
I can do anything I want to I am invincible now I'm on fire, baby I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world? I'm alive
Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun And trying not to squint Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from My belly button lint When I'm sick of takin' abuse I just make up some lame excuse Freedom's just seven digits away Hey
I'm callin' in sick today Callin' in sick today Ain't gonna work, no way Callin' in sick today
Cavity Search
Listen to the Muzak Hearin' people scream Sittin' in the waiting room Readin' crappy magazines With a toothache This is it, pal Root Canal
My molars are impacted I'm gettin' gum disease I'm gonna need some fillings Got twelve cavities Can you help me Have mercy Doctor, please
My teeth are a fright Got a huge overbite Numb me, drill me Floss me, bill me
You jab at my nerve endings It's driving me insane Just give me nitrous oxide Shoot me up with novocaine Help me out here 'Cause I'm so severe Pain
Please stop for a bit Let me rinse and spit Numb me, drill me Floss me, bill me
You validate my parking I think that I'm okay But you make one more appointment for A week from Saturday 'Cause you came upon A problem on My x-ray Oy vey!
I'm getting absurd Well, I hope I'm insured, now Numb me, drill me Floss me, bill me
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios Did you know Froot Loops fit in your nose I may be just a simple guy But just the thought of Corn Flakes makes me high
Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios Makes me want to take off all my clothes I love them dearly, and that's how it goes Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
Chicken Pot Pie
When we were young, Bernie's Deli was down the block (Ooh ooh ooh ooh) He made a great liver pate (You know he did, you know he did, you know he did) But if there's one thing in this world that I like better Than a corned beef on rye
It's Chicken Pot Pie Chicken Pot Pie
Christmas Memories Of Weird Al Yankovic
Hello, this is Weird Al Yankovic. You know, some of my favorite memories are those of Christmastime. I still remember when I was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. Mom would be cooking up a mess of boysenberry and tunafish burritos for our big Christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of Spam. And then, the big day would finally arrive. I'd stay up all night and wait for Santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted! Ah, yeah, those were the days. Well, Merry Christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch.
Couch Potato
Look If you had One shot To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it? Or just let it slip? Yo
Remote is ready Eyes wide, palms are sweaty There's Flintstones on the TV already Wilma 'n' Betty No virgin to channel surfin' And I'm HD-ready So I flip Garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell Who folks wanna disembowel He opens his mouth Always says something foul They're dyin', wow Wannabes are crying now He votes them out Time to throw in the towel
Shows based on reality Oh, the humanity! Oh, Ozzy's family Sho' loves profanity Whoa, the insanity Oh, dogs that crap and pee Home of depravity? No, they live happily Yo
Plus Da Ali G Show And Celebrity Mole Oh, and there's Anna Nicole Well, she's scaring me
Look ma, no cavities Oh, it's a station break Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV They told me, they'd scold me But I'd still tune in every show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV They told me, cajoled me, Turn off those music videos (no) I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo) (You're gonna)
My butt is aching As I watch NASCAR racing That show about undertaking Larry King To 24 to Law And Order The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes's ancient reporters Next up on E! True Hollywood Story The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been namin' CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n' So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
I'll move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, they'd scold me But I'd still tune in every show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow) I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo) (You're Gonna)
Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space I've seen each Amazing Race and Without A Trace But I only watched Will And Grace one time one day Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour After that, felt like I needed a long shower Network execs with naked ambitions Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians
Like to tie up those programming planners Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like Scanners Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on Survivor Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a Special all Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey
Wanna turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week A 30 second spot Then we come back to Are You Hot? I was planning on recording The Sopranos I forgot
I love shows with or without a plot I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot Because I only have got One brain to rot I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, they'd scold me But I'd still tune in every show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me, Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (no) I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo) (You're gonna)
You can watch anything you want to, man
Crampton Comes Alive
Well, woke up this morning With a Big Mac in my hand What fries, whose fries Where's my Hot Apple Pies Must be a joke I can't believe there's no Coke Thank you, thank you, thank you
Dare To Be Stupid
Put down your chainsaw and listen to me It's time for us to join in the fight It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket You better count your chickens before they hatch You better sell some wine before it's/its time You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full Bite the hand that feeds you Bite on more than you chew What can you do Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles Look for Mr. Goodbar Get your mojo working now I'll show you how You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek You can just give up the ship You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid Come on and dare to be stupid It's so easy to do Dare to be stupid We're all waiting for you Let's go
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill So can I have a volunteer There's no more time for crying over spilled milk Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevyrolet And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish It's like barking up a tree It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (yes) Why don't you dare to be stupid It's so easy to do Dare to be stupid We're all waiting for you Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends Look a gift horse in the mouth Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver The future's up to you So what you gonna do
Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid What did I say Dare to be stupid Tell me, what did I say Dare to be stupid It's alright Dare to be stupid We can be stupid all night Dare to be stupid Come on, join the crowd Dare to be stupid Shout it out loud Dare to be stupid I can't hear you Dare to be stupid OK, I can hear you now Dare to be stupid Let's go, Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid Dare to be stupid
Dead Car Battery Blues
One, two, a-one, two, three, four
Well I, can't go to the park I can't go to work I can't do nothin' I gotta stay in my house like a jerk
How come I always lose My car has blown a fuse Oh yeah I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes And the dead car battery blues
You know, can't visit my girlfriend I can't go to school I can't go anywhere Gotta stay in my room like a fool
'Cause I got grease in my hair My Belvedere's in disrepair Oh yeah I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes And the dead car battery blues
So I, went to see my mechanic He said, Okay, now what is wrong I told him my car wouldn't start He said, This shouldn't take very long
So he replaced all my plugs and my points And he looked at my carburetor He took out my engine and turned it around And then seventeen hours later
He looked at my headlights and said Son, how long have these things been on I told him, Oh, about three or four weeks He said, Buddy, I know what's wrong But I hate to be the one to give you the news You got the dead car battery blues
So now I, can't go to my office Can't work on my job I might as well lock myself up in my room And live my life like a slob
How come I always lose My Belvedere has blown a fuse Oh yeah I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes And the dead car battery blues
Dr. Demento Radio Promo
Hi This is Weird Al Yankovic and you're listening to the Dr. Demento show
Dr. Demento's 15th Anniversary Special
In the year of 1970 Underneath the old smogberry tree First was heard a man that we all know The one and only Dr. Demento
Nixon, Ford, and Carter, Reagan too Remember all they did and didn't do Through it all, one consistency Spending once a week with Dr. D
So wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Changes come, seasons pass Like Alice through the looking glass He shares a world of madness that we cheer For fifteen roly poly years.
So wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Don't forget to stay demented
Everybody sing He has a very friendly, fuzzy face And nobody could ever take his place His fans around the globe will never dwindle 'Cause he fits so many records on his spindle
Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling Whether you're Italian or Egyptian He's bound to fill your musical prescription
Wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented
Wind your radios way up tight Raise your glasses high tonight Like wine, his spirit has fermented So here's to him, the one who stays demented
In the year of 1970 Underneath the old smogberry trees First was heard a man that we all know The one and only Dr. Demento
Yeah
Eat It
How come you're always such a fussy young man Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raison Bran Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan So eat it, just eat it
Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate So eat it
Don't you tell me you're full Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Get yourself an egg and beat it Have some more chicken, have some more pie It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh
Your table manners are some cryin' shame You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you're told You haven't even touched your tuna casserole You better chow down or it's gonna get cold So eat it
I don't care if you're full Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Open up your mouth and feed it Have some more yogurt, have some more spam It doesn't matter it it's fresh or tanned Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Don't you make me repeate it Have a banana, have a whole bunch It doesn't matter what you had for lunch Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it If it's gettin' cold, reheat it Have a big dinner, have a light snack If you don't like it, you can't send it back Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord) Have some more chicken, have some more pie It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Don't you make me repeat it (oh no) Have a banana, have a whole bunch It doesn't matter what you had for lunch Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Everything You Know Is Wrong
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane With a rabid wolverine in my underwear When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie? Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve? I probably would have kept on guessing But about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so Important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong
I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs And they took some polaroids And said I was a darn good sport And as a way of saying thank you They offered to transport me back to Any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night So I could pay my phone bill on time Just then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling
Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you thought was just so Important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin When I got a nasty papercut And, well, to make a long story short It got infected and I died
So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter By the pearly gates And it's obvious he doesn't like The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine For all eternity And every day he runs by screaming
Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you used to think was so important Doesn't really matter anymore Because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong Just forget the words and sing along All you need to understand is Everything you know is wrong Everything you know is wrong
Fast Food
How about making a run for the border How about me deserving a break today How about getting some fries with my order How about finally letting me have it my way
Thank you Burger King Thank you Dairy Queen Thank you, thank you KFC
Thank you Pizza Hut Thank you Taco Bell Thank you so much Wendy's
Fat
Your butt is wide, well mine is too Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you The word is out, better treat me right 'Cause I'm the king of cellulite Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right
My zippers bust, my buckles break I'm too much man for you to take The pavement cracks when I fall down I've got more chins than Chinatown
Well, I've never used a phone booth And I've never seen my toes When I'm goin' to the movies I take up seven rows
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know (Fat, fat, really really fat) Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout Just now tell me once again who's fat
When I walk out to get my mail It measures on the Richter scale Down at the beach I'm a lucky man I'm the only one who gets a tan If I have one more pie a la mode I'm gonna need my own zip code
When you're only having seconds I'm having twenty-thirds When I go to get my shoes shined I gotta take their word
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know (Fat, fat, really really fat) And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds Lemme tell you once again who's fat
If you see me comin' your way Better give me plenty space If I tell you that I'm hungry Then won't you feed my face
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know (Fat, fat, really really fat) Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house I really sit around the house
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know, you know, you know, come on (Fat, fat, really really fat) And you know all by myself I'm a crowd Lemme tell you once again
You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, you know, hoo (Fat, fat, really really fat) You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know (Fat, fat, really really fat) And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud Just tell me once again who's fat
Fatter
Fatter, fatter Shake 'n Bake, fatter Shake 'n Bake, fatter Fatter
Corndogs, pizza, Coca Cola Yogurt, butterscotch, granola Look at me, I'm fatter I'm fatter, I'm fatter
Friends all gather 'round me My enemies surround me Yelling Fatso, fatso, fatso I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on Seventh Avenue That's right, I'm fatter
Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up I tell you, this turkey sure is tough Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough
They got pizza on the west side French fries up town Corn dogs deep fried in batter I'm fatter
Go ahead, bite the big apple Don't mind the calories Pile it on my platter I'm fatter
Pile it up, pile it high up
Flatbush Avenue
Oy Oy
Down on the street they got bagels And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst Not in the mood for Jack-In-The-Box
Oy vey
We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Kielbasa and chopped liver We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue Or maybe they'll deliver
Frank's 2000 TV
Risin' above the city, blocking out the noonday sun It dwarfs the mighty redwoods and it towers over everyone I still remember when that delivery truck came down our block What a lucky guy, I hear he got the last one in stock And the neighbors are just green They say, That's the biggest screen we've ever seen!
It's Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Everbody come and see(Frank's 2000 TV) Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV)
That's Frank's remote control, you can look, but don't touch it, please 'Cause Frank's the one in charge and he decides what everybody sees The picture's crystal clear and everything is magnified Robert DeNiro's mole has got to be ten feet wide Everybody in the town Can hear those 90,000 watts of Dolby sound And I'm mighty proud to say Now I can watch The Simpsons from thirty blocks away
On Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000 TV) Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000 TV)
I'm gonna get one of my own real soon It's like having a drive-in movie in your own living room Whoa, hey now... hey now na na na now Hey now... hey now na na now
Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Everybody come and see (Frank's 2000 TV) Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Got a two year warranty on parts and labor Frank's 2000 TV (Frank's 2000 TV) Frank's 2000 TV
Free Delivery
Late at night, you're hungry You're craving some pizza Let me be the one that you call
Olive or anchovy Perhaps pepperoni Anything you want, we've got it all
Near, far, I'll jump in my car You just call in your order and I'm gone You know, we hand toss our dough Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on
Deep dish, whatever you wish Even get two for one with a coupon You must try our special crust But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on
Gandhi II
[Announcer:] Next week on U62... [Announcer:] He's back [Announcer:] And this time [Announcer:] He's mad
[Announcer:] Gandhi II
[Announcer:] No more mister passive resistance [Announcer:] He's out to kick some butt [Announcer:] This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with
[Gandhi :] Don't move, slimeball
[Announcer:] He's a one man recking crew [Announcer:] But he also knows how to party
[Gandhi :] Gimme a steak, medium rare
[Gangster :] Hey, Baldy!
[Announcer:] There is only one law [Announcer:] His law
[Announcer:] Gandhi II
Gee, I'm A Nerd
Gee, I'm a nerd Seen each Star Trek eighty times Memorized each word
Home alone On Friday nights But I got eight gigabytes Left on my hard drive
I'm hooked as I can get Into the Internet Maybe you would like to see my web page
I love my new PC It means the world to me So many things to download
Gee, I'm a nerd All the jocks and muscle heads Flip me the bird Cause I'm a nerd
Gee, I'm a nerd
Generic Blues
I woke up this morning Then I went back to bed Said I woke up this morning Then I went right back to bed Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my underwear And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head You know what I'm sayin'
Well I ain't got not money I'm just walkin' down the road Said I ain't got no money, honey So I'm just walking down this lonely old road Well, I wish I could get me some money But I forgot my automated teller code
I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tiles My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child
I got the blues so bad, woo Kinda wish I was dead Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead
I'm just a no good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime
Nothing but a low-down beer bellied, bone headed, pigeon toed, turkey necked, weasle faced, worthless hunk of slime
Guess I pretty low self image Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something -- I I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time Make it talk Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk OK, now make it shut up
Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain
I got the blues so bad Kinda wish I was dead Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama Or maybe I'll go bowling Or I just might go bowling Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid looking shirt and go bowling instead Yeah
Genius In France
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks I barely even know how to put on my own pants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France
Hoom chaka laka Hoom chaka laka Hoom chaka
I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese I got a negative number on my SATs I'm not good looking and I don't know how to dance But nevertheless and in spite of the evidence I am still widely considered to be A genius in France, a genius in France, a genius in France
People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak An annoying pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week
But when the Mademoiselles see me, they all swoon and shriek They dig my mystique, they say I'm c'est magnifique When I'm in Par-ee, I'm the chic-est of the chic
They love my body odor and my bad toupee They love my stripey shirt and my stupid beret And when I'm sipping on a Perrier In some cafe town in St. Tropez
It's hard to keep the fans at bay They say, Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait Sign my poodle, s'il vous plait
Hemenene humenene himenene homenene Poodle... poodle...
Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool Got too much chlorine in my gene pool
A few peas short of a casserole A few buttons missing on my remote control A few fries short of a happy meal I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel Instructions on the heel
But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants And if you ask 'em why, you're bound to get this response (He's a genius in France! Genius in France!)
That's right (He's a genius in France, genius in France) You know it (He's a genius in France, genius in France, genius in France)
I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree They say, Bonjour, Monsieur would you take ze picture with me?
I say, Oui, oui That's right, I say, Oui, oui Oui, oui He says, Oui, oui
I'm dumber than a box of hair But those Frenchies don't seem to care Don't know why, mon frere But they love me there
I'm a genius in France Yeah, I'm a genius in France
Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes Gonna make those Frenchies scream You ze man! You ze man! You ze man!
Like a fine Renoir (waa), I've got that je me c'est quoi (quoi!) Like a fine Renoir (ooh la la), I've got that je me c'est ... Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy Bow
I'm a taco short of a combo plate But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great Oh, the men all faint and the women scream They like me more than heavy cream
When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy My oh my, I'm as French as apple pie (apple pie) They think I'm awful witty, a riot and a half When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh(haw haw haw haw haw) And laugh (haw haw haw haw haw haw)
People in France have lots of attitude They're snotty and rude, they like disgusting food But when they see me, they just come unglued They think that I am one happening dude
Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball But they like me better than Charles de Gaulle
Entre nous, it's very true The room temperature's higher than my IQ But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu How did this happen; I don't have a clue
Well, I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm I don't have any skills or grace or charm And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France
And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back I'm never never never never goin' back home again I'm tearin' up my return flight ticket Gonna tell the folks back here where they can stick it
'Cause I'm never goin' back I'm never goin' back I'm never goin' back
The girls back home never gave me a chance But I sho' 'nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance But Great Googily Moogily, I'm a genius in France
Every Frenchie that I meet Just can't wait to kiss my feet Get in line, pucker up! Tout Suite!
Bowm diddy bowm diddy bowm diddy
I'm gettin' even more famous by the hour I'm stuffed with pastries and drunk with power Now they're puttin' up my statue by the Eiffel Tower
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left
I'm the biggest dork there is alive My mom picked out my clothes for me 'till I was 35 And I forgot to mention I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention
But the Frenchies think That my poop don't stink I'm a genius in France
Say, would you pass the Grey Poupon? Merci beaucoup
George Of The Jungle
George, George, George of the jungle Strong as he can be Ahhh Watch out for that tree
George, George, George of the jungle Lives a life that's free Ahhh Watch out for that tree
When he gets in scrapes When he makes his escapes With the help of his friend An ape named Ape
Then away he'll schlep On his elephant Shep While Fella and Ursula Stay in step with
George, George, George of the jungle Friend to you and me Ahhh Watch out for that tree Watch out for that (Ahhh) (Oooh) tree George, George, George of the Jungle Friend to you and me
Germs
Sometimes I really want to be alone But that's one state I'm never in Because I know that I've got millions upon millions Of tiny, one-celled organisms living on my skin
(Germs) I rub and scrub until my flesh is raw and bleeding (Germs) But they just come right back (Germs) I can't even see 'em, but I know they're up to something Hey, don't touch that - you don't know where it's been
They're all over me They're inside of me Can't get 'em offa me I'm covered with ... microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What'll they do to me There's no escape for me I'm crawling with ... microscopic bacteria
Now if I ever dare to go to sleep That's when they start their sneak attack In the morning I wake up in utter horror To find my teeth are covered with bacterial plaque
(Germs) Can't get those parasitic creatures off my face (Germs) And there's more comin' every day (Germs) I never said that they could camp out on my body I wish they'd pack their tiny little bags and move away
They're all over me They're inside of me Can't get 'em offa me I'm covered with ... microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What'll they do to me There's no escape for me I'm crawling with ... microscopic bacteria
They're creepin' around my shorts They're under the bathroom sink They're ridin' inside my car They're swimmin' in my drink They're hidin' between my toes They're lurkin' in every kiss I got 'em way up my nose In every orafice I'm gonna show them who's boss I'm gonna get even yet Just gimme some Lysol spray Just hand me a moist towelette Don't tell me I'm paranoid I know that they're after me Look under the microscope See??
They're all over me They're inside of me Can't get 'em offa me I'm covered with ... microscopic bacteria What do they want from me What'll they do to me There's no escape for me I'm crawling with ... microscopic bacteria
They're all over me I can feel 'em all over me Over every part of me Microscopic bacteria I know they're watching me They're always watching me They're coming after me Microscopic bacteria Won't somebody help me Please somebody help me You've got to believe me They're out to get me They wanna control me They wanna destroy me They're tryin' to kill me It kind of upsets me
Girls Just Want To Have Lunch
Some girls like to buy new shoes And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos There's only one thing that they all like a bunch Oh, girls, they want to have lunch Oh, girls just want to have lunch
I know how to keep a woman satisfied When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide They're always in the mood for something to munch Oh, girls, they want to have lunch Oh, girls just want to have
That's all they really want Some lunch Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch 'Cause girls, they want to have lunch Oh, girls just want to have lunch
Girls, they want Want to have lunch Girls wanna have
She eats like she got a hole in her neck And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton Oh, girls, they want to have lunch Oh, girls just want to have
That's all they really want Is some lunch Don't know for certain but I've got a hunch Those girls, they want to have lunch Oh, girls just want to have lunch
Girls, they want Want to have lunch Girls wanna have
They just want to They just want to Girls
They just want to They just want to Girls just want to have lunch
Girls Girls just want to have lunch
They just want to They just want to They just want to They just want to They just want to They just want to
Gotta Boogie
Gotta boogie Gotta boogie Gotta boogie Gotta boogie Gotta boogie (gotta boogie) Gotta boogie (gotta boogie) Gotta boogie (gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off
Well, I went out to a party just the other night I was jammin' to the music, I was feelin' alright I was burning up the floor like a disco maniac When my woman said, Baby, why's your hand behind you back?
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie) I said boogie (gotta boogie) I gotta boogie (gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off
I can't pick it off (uh uh) I can't flick it off (uh uh) I sure ain't gonna lick it off (oh no) So I guess I'm gonna have to learn to live with it
I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he's gotta boogie) I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he's gotta boogie) I gotta boogie (gotta boogie, uh huh, he's gotta boogie) Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off
(boogie) Gotta boogie (boogie)
Hey, you wanna boogie? (No man, I don't wanna boogie) Wanna boogie? (Get that boogie out of my face) Do any of you wanna boogie? (No!)
Gotta boogie on my finger Gotta boogie on my finger Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off
Gravy On You
Well, I think you're obnoxious And I think that you stink I think you're a moron A slob, and a fink You're one of the biggest turkeys I know And that is the reason I'm going to
Throw gravy on you And throw gravy on you And throw gravy, gravy on you-ou-ou-ou-ou
Green Eggs And Ham
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham I do not like them Sam, I am
I do not like them here or there I do not like them anywhere I do not like them in a boat I would not, could not, with a goat
I will not eat them in the rain I do not like them on a train I do not like them in a box I will not eat them with a fox
I do not like them in a house I would not, could not, with a mouse I do not like Green Eggs and Ham I do not like them Sam, I am
Green Eggs and Ham Green Eggs and Ham Don't like Green Eggs and Ham
Gump
Gump sat alone on a bench in the park My name is Forrest, he'd casually remark Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his pockets He just kept sayin' life is like a box of chocolates
He's Gump, He's Gump What's in his head? He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump Is he in-bred?
Gump was a big celebrity He told JFK that he really had to pee He never feels too dumb because His mom always told him stupid is as stupid does
He's Gump, He's Gump He's kinda square He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump What's with that hair?
Run... run... run, run, now Forrest Run... run... run like the wind now Run... run... run, run, now Forrest Run... stop!
His buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin' man His friend with no legs he called Lieutenant Dan His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut He went to the White House, showed LBJ his butt
He's Gump, He's Gump He's not too bright He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump But he's alright
Is this Gump out of his head? I think so Is this Gump really brain dead? I think so Did this Gump make lots of bread? I think so And that's all I have to say about that
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, it's time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer You should be good and happy that there's something you can eat A million npeople every day are starving in the street
Your daddy's in the gutter with the wretched and the poor Your mama's in the kitchen with a can of Cycle Four There's garbage in the water There's poison in the sky I guess it won't be long before we're all gonna die
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
Well, what's the matter little friend, you think this party is the pits Enjoy it while you can, we'll soon be blown to bits The monkeys in the pentagon are gonna cook our goose Their finger's on the button, all they need it an excuse
It doesn't take a military genius to see We'll all be crispy critters after World War III There's nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide When they drop the big one, we all get fried
(Come on boys and girls, sing along, ok?)
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you wow! (background screaming, sound effect)
Well there's a punk in the alley and he's looking for a fight There's an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight There's a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed Seems that everywhere you look today there's misery and greed
I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you wow!
Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Happy birthday to you
(Happy Birthday!)
And a pinch to grow an inch!
Hardware Store
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here I thought that I would go right out of my mind Until a friend told me the news
He said, Hey, you know that vacant lot Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it And on that spot they're gonna build a shop Where we can go buy bolts and screws
Since then I've been walking on air (air) I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair 'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care I've been waiting since last June
For this day to finally arrive I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive 'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside Well, I hope they open soon
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open the door? I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out I pressed my nose right up against the glass You know, I had to be first in line
Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house See those hacksaws? Very, very soon One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles All arranged alphabetically
And they're doing a promotional stunt There's a great big purple sign out front That says every 27th customer Will get a ball peen hammer free
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open the door? I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
Would you look at all that stuff ... They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables Hooks and tacks, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when) When are they gonna open the door? I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the Hardware store
Harvey The Wonder Hamster
Oh, Harvey, Harvey Harvey the Wonder Hamster He doesn't bite and he doesn't squeal He just runs around on his hamster wheel Harvey, Harvey Harvey the Wonder Hamster Hey, Harvey!
Headline News
Once, there was this kid who Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint And when he finally came back He had cane marks all over his bottom He said that it was from when The warden whacked it so hard
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
[whip sound] Ahh
Once there was this girl who Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion And when she finally made it She saw some other girl who was better [ding sound] And so she hired some guy to Club her in the kneecap
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm [thwack sound] Ahh Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
They got paid for their sound bites And sold their TV movie rights
And then, there was this guy who Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner And when he finally came to He found that Mr. Happy was missing He couldn't quite explain it It'd always just been there
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is) Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is) Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
(There were, there is) (There were, there is)
Hit Me With A Rock
When I was a little boy (When I was just a boy) And my mother would call my name (When I was just a boy) She'd say I had to be in the house by seven (When I was just a boy)
But I'd stay out late at night (When I was just a boy) And when I'd finally get back in Oh, I know she'd hit me, she'd hit me She'd sit me on her knees and whip me
Oh, she'd hit me with a rock She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby She'd hit me (hit me with a rock) She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me (Hit me with a rock)
And when I was grown to be a man (Grown to be a man) The minute the boss would call my name (Grown to be a man) And say I had to be in the office by seven (Grown to be a man)
I'm a constipated man (Grown to be a man) And when I'd finally get back in Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me He'd tie me to a chair and whip me
Oh he'd hit me with a rock He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby He'd hit me (hit me with a rock) He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me (Hit me with a rock)
When I was grown to be President (Was the President) The minute the congress'd call my name (Was the President) And said some papers had to be signed by Thursday (Had to be signed by Thursday)
I'd fly away to Pakistan (Was the President) And the second that I'd get back home Oh, I know they'd hit me, they'd hit me With leather and chains they'd whip me
Oh, they'd hit me with a rock They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby They'd hit me. (Hit me with a rock) They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me (Hit me with a rock) Hit me, hit me, hit me (Hit me with a rock) They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me (Hit me with a rock) Yah yah yah yah yah yah (Hit me with a rock) (Hit with a rock) Ow, whaddaya doin' to me, get away from me (Hit with a rock, oh baby) (Hit with a rock) (He's gettin' hit with a rock) (He's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby) (Hit with a rock)
Wait a minute, hold it I think he's dead Let's leave Let's get out of here, man
Holiday Greetings 1987
Hi, this is Weird Al Yankovic, and I'd just like to take this opportunity to say: Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas
Hello, this is Weird Al Yankovic, hoping that your new year isn't a torture-filled living hell, and that you finally decide to do something worthwhile with your miserable, wretched lives. Thank you
Hello, this is Weird Al Yankovic, and I'd like to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year. And to all my Japanese friends, feliz navidad
Hi, this is Weird Al Yankovic, wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas. And now, here's a cheery little number I wrote about death, destruction, and the end of the world, called Christmas At Ground Zero
Hello, this is Weird Al Yankovic. You know, some of my favorite memories are those of Christmastime. I still remember when I was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. Mom would be cooking up a mess of boisenberry and tunafish burritos for our big Christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of Spam And then, the big day would finally arrive. I'd stay up all night and wait for Santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted Ah, yeah, those were the days. Well, Merry Christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch
Holiday Greetings 1988
Hi, this is Weird Al Yankovic. Remember, if you have one or two of those traditional blueberry daiquiris this holiday season, please, let somebody else drive
Hello, this is Weird Al Yankovic, urging you to remember the true meaning of the Christmas season, and also to buy as many copies of my new album as you possibly can! Ah-HAHAHAHA! AH-HA! Heh
This is Weird Al Yankovic! Go ahead, go ahead! Have a Merry Christmas, see if I care
I Can't Watch This
I can't watch this. I can't watch this I can't watch this. I can't watch this
My my my my TV makes me so bored Makes me say, oh my lord What is this garbage here? Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears It sucks, and that's no lie It's about as much fun as watching paint dry Lowers my IQ one notch And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch
I told you homeboy... I can't watch this Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know... I can't watch this Poke out my eyes, man... I can't watch this Yo, gimme that remote control... I can't watch this
Talkin' 'bout sick shows Tere's America's Funniest Home Videos I can't believe my eyes When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize Somebody's poor old mom Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn Face first on a rake I hear they've got it on the seventeenth take That's funny as a kick in the crotch And that kind of show, uh, I can't watch
Yo, I told you... I can't watch this Change the channel now, man... I can't watch this Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker... I can't watch this
Cosby Show and Rosanne Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can Judge Wopner, oh my You gotta be Rainman to like this guy Thirtysomething is alright If you like hearing yuppies whining all night Can't stand Twin Peaks Wish they'd lynch those donun-eatin' freaks Thos Siskel & Ebert bums Oughta go home and sit on their thumbs
That's word because you know... I can't watch this I can't watch this Break it down!
Here's-how-to-order-money-back-guarantee-removes-tough-stains-fast -it-tastes-more-like-fresh-peanuts-they-keep-going-and-going-don't-hate-me -because-I'm-beautiful-could-be-dandruff-our-prices-are-insaaaane!!!
Stop! Prime Time! I'm pretty sure I'll be sick If I have to watch another stupid pet trick Or that guy with the real flat hair That goes woof woof woof and waves his fist in the air Or those weird talk shows About Transsexual Nazi Eskimos They're rude, crude and vile Just for a minute let's flip down the dial
Flip, flip, flip... yeccch, I can't watch this Look man... I can't watch this I can't take this torture no more, I can't... I can't watch this Pay the bills, station break Break it down!
Operators-are-standing-by-cubic-zirconium-necklace-you're-soaking-in-it -and-our-fabulous-swimsuit-issue-when-you've-got-a-headache-this-big -this-is-your-brain-on-drugs-I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up!!
Stop! Cable Time! HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV I might like 'em more after my lobotomy Now why did I ever pay for this junk? I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy, it's stupid, gonna throw my set away
I can't watch this. I can't watch this I can't watch this. Yeah... I can't watch this I told you... can't watch this Too hip, can't watch this Get me outta here... can't watch this
I Love Rocky Road
I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school Yah, but chocolate's gettin' old Vanilla just leaves me cold
There's just one flavor good enough for me, yah me Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon I know what I need
Baby, I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with me, ow
They tell me ice cream junkies are all the same All the soda jerkers know my name When their supple is gone Then I'll be movin' on
But I'll be back on Monday afternoon, you'll see Another truck load's comin' in for me, all for me I'm singin'
I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with me, ow
(oh, make it talk)
When I'm all alone, I just grab myself a cone And if I get fat and loose my teeth that's fine with me Just lock me in the freezer and throw away the key Sing it
I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with me
I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with
I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with
I love rocky road So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby I love rocky road So have another triple scoop with me
I Remember Larry
Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door Well, he always was the neighborhood clown Like the time he took my pants off and he took those color pictures And posted copies all over town Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight 'till dawn What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around
Boy, what a joker What a funny, funny guy I'll never forget about Larry No matter how I try
Say, do you remember when I lost all my hair 'Cause Lar' gave me that Nair shampoo And hey, how 'bout the day he put Ben Gay inside my jockstrap And filled my toothpaste tube with glue All those wedgies he gave, all those shoestrings he tied All those brownies he made with the Ex-lax inside Oh Lar', I swear, it was a laugh a minute with you
Boy, what a joker What a funny, funny guy I'll never forget about Larry No matter how I try
You know I couldn't help but laugh Even though he treated me like slime Remember when he cut my car in half? Well, he really got me good that time!
Say, do you remember when I broke in Larry's house Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest And stuffed him in a big plastic bag If the cops ever find him, who knows what they'd say But I'm sure if ol' Lar' were still with us today He would have to agree with me it was a pretty good gag
Oh boy, what a joker What a funny, funny guy I'll never forget about Larry No matter how I try Oh boy, what a joker What a funny, funny guy I'll never forget about Larry No matter how I try No matter how I try
Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry Oh, I remember Larry
I Think I'm A Clone Now
Isn't it strange Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror What would people say If only they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist's plan (plan-plan-plan) Born to be a carbon copy man (man-man-man) There in a petri dish late one night They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say
I think I'm a clone now There's always two of me just a-hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
Look at the way We go out walking close together I guess you could say I'm really beside myself
I still remember how it began (gan-gan-gan) They produced a carbon copy man (man-man-man) Born in a science lab late one night Without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) There's always two of me just a-hangin' around I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) And I can stay at home while I'm out of town I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) 'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
Signing autographs for my fans Come and meet the carbon copy man Livin' in stereo, it's all right Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza so I say
I think I'm a clone now Another one of me's always hangin' around I think I'm a clone now 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) I've been on Oprah Winfrey - I'm world renowned I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) That's my genetic twin always hangin' around I think I'm a clone now (a clone now) 'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now (a clone now)
I Want A New Duck
Woh oh
I want a new duck One that won't try to bite One that won't chew a hole in my socks One that won't quack all night
I want a new duck One with big webbed feet One that knows how to wash my car And keep his room real neat
One that won't raid the ice box One that'll stay in shape One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape Or I'll tie him up with duck tape
I want a new duck A mallard I think One that won't make a mess of my house Or build a nest in the bathroom sink
I want a new duck One that won't steal my beer One that won't stick his bill in my mail One that knows the duck stops here
One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown And show me how to get down How to get down baby
Get it? ***** ***** *** **** **** *** ***
I want a new duck Not a swan or a goose Just a drake I can dress real cute Think I'm gonna name him Bruce
I want a new duck Not a quail or an owl One that won't molt to much One that won't smell too fowl
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs Hangin' around all day He'd better mind his manners Better do just what I say Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah *
***** ***** (*** ** **) **** *******
I Was Only Kidding
When I said that I'd be faithful When I promised I'd be true When I swore that I could never Be with anyone but you When I told you that I loved you With those tender words I spoke I was only kidding Now, can't you take a joke?
When I said that I need you, baby When I told you that I really care When I said that I can't live without you When I said I'd follow you anywhere When I said you could always trust me When I said I'd never leave you flat Well, guess what? I was only kidding, baby I can't belieeeeve you fell for that! You're so gullible...
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) You thought that was for real? I was only kidding Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) Baby, baby, I was... (I was) only kidding Well, I guess I got you pretty good, now listen...
When I said that I love you, baby From the very bottom of my heart When I said that I miss you so badly Every second we're apart When I swore that you're just getting more and more Beautiful every day Well, I was only kidding, honey What's the matter with you anyway? Let me tell you something
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) You understand, don't ya? I was only kidding Well, I guess it probably hurts you alot, but you gotta know (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) Come on now, get a clue I was only kidding I really love you... NOT!
When I said you oughta marry When I said that we should settle down Well, I was pullin' your leg there, honey I was just foolin' around You see, I -- I never meant to upset you, darlin' I never meant to hurt anyone I was only kidding, baby Why don't you just put down that gun? Let's talk this over
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) Whatch where you're pointing that thing (I was only kidding) Hey, I'm sorry if your heart is broke... you gotta realize (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) Aww, yeah I was only kidding Now, honey, can't you take a joke? (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I didn't lie to you I was only kidding... Yes indeed (I was only kidding) Baby, baby, you know (I was only kidding) Hey!
I'll Repair For You ( A Theme For Home Improvement )
So you got dry rot and your water pressure's weak Your trash compactor's broke, the roof has sprung a leak You just found out your toilet's overflowed And your smoke detector's smoking and your heater's gonna explode But
I'll repair for you (when the roof starts to fall) I'll repair for you (all the cracks in your wall) I'll repair for you (every nail, bolt and screw)
Your washer's busted and your faucet drips all night You got some termites with a healthy appetite Well have no fear, I'll patch up every hole And I'm licensed and I'm bonded, even se habla espanol So
I'll repair for you (when your doorknob is loose) I'll repair for you (when your plunger's no use) I'll repair for you (with a caulk and hot glue)
I am prepared to tackle all kinds of paste and spackle You got a leaky shower, I'll be there in an hour With stucco, bricks and plaster, I am a Jedi master We'll help you through your crisis Check out our low, low prices too, yeah
Your floors are sagging and your plumbing's shot But if you don't mind my hairy butt crack every time that I squat
I'll repair for you, anything that you need I'll repair for you, and my word's guaranteed I'll repair for you, I'll rewire it too I'll repair for you I'll repair for you I'll repair for you, every nail, bolt and screw
I'm So Sick Of You
You tell a joke and forget the punchline Why you always wastin' my time? Hey baby, trust me, you just disgust me You hair's a mess and your make-up's crusty I don't know too many females Who make a habit of biting their toenails Wo, every time you call, you drive me up the wall Honey, just the sight of you makes my flesh crawl I'm sure we'd be happy together If onle one thing weren't true Oh baby, I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you
You drink the milk right from the carton What are you, in kindergarten? You're belchin' everywhere, foulin' up the air Then you use my razor to shave your back hair You don't have an ounce of class You're just one big pain in the neck How much more can I take now, give me a break now You even snore when you're wide awake now You tell all your friends we're the perfect couple Well, maybe you should get a clue 'Cause baby, I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you Baby, you're so nauseatin' I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you
And when you softly call my name It's like listenin' to that squeaky chalk sound And when you look at me that special way It's hard for me to keep my lunch down And when you askin' me what I'm thinkin', honey, usually I'm thinkin' How I'd really like to tie your head completely up in duct tape So I wouldn't have to listen to you asking me those stupid questions Over and over again
Well, that disgusting noise you make when you laugh Gives me a throbbing migraine (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) Until you cam along I nbever dated anyone This low on the food chain (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) You've got inhuman body odor You've got the hair of a boxing promoter Yeah, your teeth are all yellow, your butt's made of Jell-O You woke up in a puddle, droolin' on your pillow I hate the way you crack your knuckles I hate your whiny loser girlfriends too But mostly I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you Really now, you're aggrivatin' I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you Not to mention irritatin' I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you Well, now won't you give my best regards to Satan I yi yi yi yi I'm so sick of you
I'm so sick of you I'm so sick of you I'm so sick of you You make me sick
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now (Can't stand you, I just can't stand you) I'm so sick of you, now
If I Could Make Love To A Bottle
If I could make love to a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do I'd search the world over to find one that had the exact same circumference as you
Isle Thing
Met this fine young thing At the local Circle K We made a date for a half past eight And I said, What the hey?
So I journeyed to her crib And I let myself inside That chick was slouched down on the couch I think her brain was fried
Couldn't figure it out She wouldn't even look at me Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotised Cold glued to her TV
Hey, what's your problem baby doll Let's have a little fling She said, Hey you fool, now just be cool I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing
Watchin' all night Musta, been a marathon I was bummin', those shows kept comin' Here's what was goin' on
These Castaways were stranded On this island out at sea One of them called Gilligan So let's name him after m
He'd mess up every rescue Man, that first mate was illin' If I was one of those Castaways I think I'd probably kill 'im
Just about that time Telephone began to ring She said, Just let it, my machine'll get We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing She loves that Gilligan's Isle thing Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing Please, baby, baby, please
I like the professor He always saves their butts He could build a nuclear reactor From a clouple' of coconuts
She said, That guy's a genius I shook my head and laughed I said, If he's so fly, they tell me why He couldn't build a lousy raft
And while we're on the subject I'll tell you one thing for sure Those homeboys brought an awful lot For just a three hour tour
Then her mom came in the room It was kind of embarrasing She said, Hey you two, I was once like you And I loved that Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle thing Please, baby, baby, please
Skipper's in a hammock He's looking kinda fat He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit Old Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Hal had it goin' on But Mr. Hal was meaner Ginger and Mary Anne could've used Some funky cold medina (?)
I was really diggin' this show I didn't know what to do It kinda looked like I was hooked Now I'm an addict too
I know each episode by heart Now I'm the rerun king And on every date we both stay up late And we watch the Gilligan's Isle thing
Isle thing Hasta la vista, little buddy Gilligan's Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing
It's All About The Pentiums
It's all about the Pentiums, baby Uhh, uh-huh, yeah Uhh, uh-huh, yeah It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums, baby It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) Yeah
What y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard? Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM I never feed trolls and I don't read spam Installed a T1 line in my house Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse Upgrade my system at least twice a day I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support It's all about the Pentiums, what? You've gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen You've got white-out all over your screen You think your Commodore 64 is really neato What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? You're usin' a 286? Don't make me laugh Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half? You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette You're the biggest joke on the Internet Your database is a disaster You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar And postin' Me too! like some brain-dead AOL-er I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby)
Now, what y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
Uh, uh, loggin' in now Wanna run wit my crew, hah? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do? They call me the king of the spreadsheets Got 'em printed out on my bedsheets My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks But it was obsolete before I opened the box You say you've had your desktop for over a week? Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique Your laptop is a month old? Well that's great If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight My digital media is write-protected Every file inspected, no viruses detected I beta tested every operation system Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin' It does all my work without me even askin' Got a flat-screen monitor forty inches wide wide I believe that your says Etch-A-Sketch on the side In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user You've got your own newsgroup, alt.total-loser Your motherboard melts when you try to send a fax Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks? Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you What? What? What? What? What?
It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) It's all about the Pentiums! (It's all about the Pentiums, baby) Now, what y'all wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers? 9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard? What??
It's Still Billy Joel To Me
What's the matter with the songs he's singin' Can't you tell that they're pretty lame After listenin' to a couple albums Well, they all start to sound the same
So he tried to change his musical style He tossed all his ballads in the circular file Then he found the punk sound Breakin' ground all around It's still Billy Joel to me
What's the matter with the tune he's writin' Well, you know it's gonna be a smash It's so nice when you're a big name artist Doesn't matter if it sounds like trash
Now everybody thinks the new wave is super Just ask Linda Ronstadt or even Alice Cooper It's a big hit, isn't it Even if it's a piece of junk It's still Billy Joel to me
Woah, it doesn't matter what the critics say about him 'Cause he doesn't worry how they feel When you're record's sellin' millions and it's goin' triple platinum You don't worry 'bout your next meal 'Cause money is no big deal
Maybe he should dye his hair bright pink And stick a safety pin through his cheeks Then he'd really fit the new wave image But he couldn't sit down for weeks
Don't you know about the record business, honey You gotta be trendy if you wanna make some money Now everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny But it's still Billy Joel to me
All right, Alfred Oh
I can hardly wait 'til his next album Well, I'll bet it's gonna be the rage Buy a ticket to his next big concert Well, I wonder what he'll do on stage
It might be disco and it might be the blues Or maybe even somethin' like the B-52's Just a handclap, finger snap Even if it's mindless pap It's still Billy Joel to me
Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny But it's still Billy Joel to me
Jerry Springer
It's been one week since we got to see Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry Five days since they had the show With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male Yesterday it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Holy cow, d'you see it last week? Well, they had this one freak Who sucker-punched his whole family Do you recall when the brawl Became a total free-for-all And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee Hey, see the stripper with the implants She likes to lap dance And date the boyfriend of her mother Now here come's Jerry's next guest And it's a slugfest 'Cause it's her trailer trash brother Nymphomaniac is back on crack It's like When Animals Attack They all exhibit reprehensible behavior Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes Step on their toes, that's how it goes They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange When he found out that his wife had a sex change They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly They have a history of ripping off their shirts
It's been one week since they had the fight With the Siamese twins and the transvestite Five days since that awful brawl They still haven't got the blood off the wall It's been three days since the bitter fued Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude Yesterday, finally dawned on me I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer
[Guy Guest :] Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister [Gal Guest :] Oh? Well, which one? [Guy Guest :] All of them [Gal Guest :] Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake! [Guy Guest :] Yah? Well, well me too! [Gal Guest :] Oh! [Guy Guest :] And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie! (barking) [Gal Guest :] Woofie, you b-tch! [Gal Guest :] Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat! (baaahhing) [Guy Guest :] That goat doesn't love you!
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin' Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin' Jerry's the king of confrontation He's a sensation He puts the 'sin' in syndication It's totally worthless, like a bad check It's like a train wreck Don't wanna stare but you can't look away Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows But with more weirdos The ratings jumpin' higher everyday If you've seen the show, well then you know It's just as low as you can go The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene And pretty soon some ugly goon Comes in the room and then it's BOOM In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies Jerry! Jerry! Now the crowd starts their favorite chant Should I turn off my TV? I just can't I have a tendency to watch it religiously I have a history of taping each one
It's been one week since the show about Psycho killers with problems they should work out Five days since the big surprise When some loser's wife said she's shtill dating twenty guys Three days wince he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude Yesterday, it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer Come over here and pull on my finger
Jurassic Park
I recall the time they found those fossilized mosquitoes And before long, they were cloning DNA Now I'm being chased by some irate veloceraptors Well, believe me... this has been one lousy day
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark All the dinosaurs are running wild Someone shut the fence off in the rain I admit it's kinda eerie But this proves my chaos theory And I don't think I'll be coming back again On no
I cannot approve of this attraction 'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawer Well, I suppose that proves... they're really not all bad
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark All the dinosaurs are running wild Someone let T. Rex out of his pen I'm afraid those things'll harm me 'Cause they sure don't act like Barney And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend Oh no
Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark All the dinosaurs are running wild What a crummy weekend this has been Well, this sure ain't no E-ticket Think I'll tell them where to stick it 'Cause I'm never coming back this way again Oh no... oh no
Kidstar 1250 Radio Promotion
Just eat it, eat it Get yourself an egg and beat it Oh, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Hi This is Al But you can call me Weird, as is Weird Al Weird Al Yankovic
I'm not home right now So feel free to come over and go through my refrigerator Well, I guess you gotta find my house first
Anyway, like I was saying, I'm not home right now So stay on the line until I return
OK, well, that might be a while, so I tell you what I'll patch you through to my favorite radio station, how's that It'll keep you totally entertained It's Kidstar 1250, radio just for kids, and it goes something like this
Lasagna
La-la-la-la-lasagna You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico Or a-maybe spaghetti Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go Mama mia bambino Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you 'Samatta you, 'samatta you
You should-a taste my lasagna Ay, you no like-a lasagna That's okay too How about-a calzone Some-a nice minestrone, ats good for you Have-a some marinara Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like I know-a you like, I know-a you like
La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna
Would you like some-a zucchini Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat Have-a more fettuccini. Ay, you getting too skinny, you gotta to eat Ay, mange, mange
Ay, you-a pass the lasagna A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig Have-a more ravioli You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a big Like you cousin Luigi Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan Capisce paisan, capisce paisan
La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna La-lasagna
Hey Hey
Laundry Day
You gotta keep 'em separated
You like the latest fashions You'd like to keep 'em clean You take a trip every week to the laundromat Throw a load in the washing machine
But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes You gotta sort 'em out first as everyone knows Remember bright colors and the others don't mix Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up Hey
Are your undies turning pink Take 'em out (You gotta keep'em separated) Hey, are your cottons gonna shrink Sort 'em out (You gotta keep'em separated)
Hey, then when it's time You can stick' em in the dryer You can hang 'em on a line Hey, it's laundry day
Leisure Suit Serenade
Wearin' old T-shirts and grubby jeans People say I look kinda odd Well, I'm never accepted in the social set 'Cause they say that I'm a clod
But once in a while, I go to my closet And I put on something mod And when I step out in my leisure suit People stand up and applaud
Leisure suit serenade Slip one on and you got it made You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade That's the leisure suit serenade
Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent If it's got nylon twenty percent Now I'm as cool as the ASB president Leisure suit serenade
Leisure suit serenade Slip one on and you got it made You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah That's the leisure suit serenade
Let Me Be Your Hog
Let me be your hog Let me be your hog, now (snort, snort) I said baby baby baby baby baby Baby baby baby baby baby baby
Like A Surgeon
I finally made it through med school Somehow I made it through I'm just an intern I still make a mistake or two
I was last in my class Barely passsed at the institute Now I'm trying to avoid, yah I'm trying to avoid A malpractise suit
Hey, like a surgeon Cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gause nurse This patient's fading fast Complications have set in Don't know how long he'll last
Let me see, that I.V. Here we go - time to operate I'll pull his indsides out, pull his insides out And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey Cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon Here's a waiver for you to sign
Woe, woe, woe
It's a fact - I'm a quack The disgrace of the A.M.A. 'Cause my patients die, yah my patients die Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey Cuttin' for the very first time Like a surgeon Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon When I reach inside With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh
Ooh baby, yah I can hear your heartbeat For the very last time
Livin' In The Fridge
There's something weird in the fridge today I don't know what it is Food I can't recognize My roommate won't throw a thing away I guess it's probably his It looks like it's alive...
And livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge Livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge
There's something dross in the fridge today It's green and growin' hair It's been there since July If you can name the object In that baggie over there Then mister, you're a better man than I
It's livin' in the fridge You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge Can't tell what (dysentary) it is at all (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge
Tell me, do you think it should be carbon dated Fumigated or creamated and buried at sea? You try to save a little bit of you're home cookin' Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen It always happens my friend Again & again & again & again
Somethin' stinks in the fridge today And it's been rottin' there all week It could be liver cake or wooly mammoth steak Well, maybe I should another peek...
Livin' in the fridge You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge Can't tell what (dysentary) it is at all (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary) Livin' in the fridge Livin' in the fridge Don't know what it is, don't know what it is Livin' in the fridge Don't know what it is, don't know what it is Livin' in the fridge Don't know what it is at all Livin' in the fridge, yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Matter Of Crust
Some bread, you can get bargain-priced And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice But you know it will go stale again Always does, its just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned But that can't happen to us Because it's always been a matter of crust
Melanie
Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
She lived across the street on the fifteenth floor of the Gilmore building I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap I knew she had to be the girl for me And to think I probably never would have found her If I hadn't bought that telescope
Oh, Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
I just can't understand it Why won't you return my phone calls Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat If you'd just say the word I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever Or are you too dumb to realize that
Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me How can you ignore me when you know that I can't live without you I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you
Melanie, ooh Oh sweet Me-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true I couldn't stand it so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window Right above you Now I may be dead but I still love you
Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet, sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
I'm singin' Me-he-he-helanie What can the problem be Sweet Me-he-he-he-helanie Why won't you go out with me
Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies
Beverly
Beverly Hillbillies
Huh, now lookie here people Listen to my story A little story 'bout a man named Jed You know something? That poor mountaineer They say he barely kept his family fed
Now, let me tell you One day he was shootin' Old Jed was shootin' at some food When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there Well, there came a bubblin' crude
Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly...
Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin' Yeah, buddie, move away from there That little Clampet got his own cement pond That little Clampet, he's a millionaire
Now, everyone said Californie Is the place that you oughta be We got to load up this here truck now We got to move to Beverly Hills, that is
Swimming pools Move-a-move-a-movie stars Huh Lookit that, lookit that
Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies Y'all come back now, y'hear? Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies
Mr. Frump In The Iron Lung
I visit Mr. Frump in the hospital I see him most every day And when I see Mr. Frump in his iron lung This is what I hear him say
Y'know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend He's never a chump or a tease He never tells me lies, and best of all He never disagrees
I bring him candy and flowers every afternoon Sit down by his side and say Hi And then I ask him his opinion of the world situation And I wait for Mr. Frump's reply, and Mr. Frump would say
Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be Mr. Frump's dying day And now I bring to you the very last thing That Mr. Frump had to say....
Amen
My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder
Oh, my baby, my baby she don't want me no more Ever since she saw his poster in that record store She says the way he grinds his molars is really sexy She thinks he's so darn dysfunctional and Generation Xy She likes his brooding angst and his wild-eyed stare Yeah, he's her very favorite slacker multi-millionaire
Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder She's all crazy 'bout that Eddie Vedder Once she was mine, but now I better just forget her 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
Now, every time I see him, well, he looks so grim I guess it really must suck to be a rock star like him What a pain in the butt to have so much success Spending all his time moping and avoiding the press But my girl can't get enough of his sullen demeanor Like he's some big tortured genious and I'm some kinda wiener
Well, my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder She's got a thing for that Eddie Vedder Tell me, what can he do that I can't do better Now my baby's in love with I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder Head over heels for that Eddie Vedder I cant believe it, now she's knitting him a sweater 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
I knew we were headin' for disaster When she caught me hangin' out at the Ticketmaster Now she's got an unrequited adoratioon For the frustrated, agitated, designated alienated Spokesman for the disaffected grunge generation
Well, I don't wear Doc MArtens and I don't wear flannel And I don't boycott the music video channel And I just can't compete with all that money and fame But I know two can play at this game Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous she'll get When I start stalking Alanis Morissette
Well, mny baby's in love with Eddie Vedder She's all crazy 'bout that Eddie Vedder Once she was mine but now I better just forget her 'Cause my baby's in love with I said I said I said my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder Why'd she have to fall for that Eddie Vedder If she wants to leave me, I guess I better let her 'Cause my baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
My Bologna
Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one Open up a package of my bologna Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done Top it with a little of my bologna
Never gonna stop, eat it up Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo M-m-m-my bologna
Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how Spread it on a litle of this bologna Hopin' that we don't run out, don't run out If we do I'm sure that I'll miss bologna
Never gonna stop, eat it up Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo M-m-m-my bologna M-m-m-my bologna
Goin' to the market now, market now I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer Walkin' down the shopping isles, shopping isles Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer
Never gonna stop, eat it up Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, yi, yi, woo M-m-m-my bologna M-m-m-my bologna M-m-m-my bologna M-m-m-my bologna
Never Met A Person As Wonderful As Me
Well, I stare at myself in the mirror When I wake up every morn And I marvel at how great I've been Since the day that I was born
I've made so many albums I've run out of things to name 'em My fans all want to be like me And really, who can blame 'em
Teenage groupies all surround me I guess I know why No one else can match my charm Why do they even try
All the girls in college Turned me down for other fellas But I know why, it seems to me They're just insanely jealous Who wouldn't be
Some people call it self-indulgence But they just don't understand That it's hard to be too humble When you know that you're so grand
And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect I just want you to see That I've never met a person Who's as wonderful as me
Now, I'm not arrogant or haughty And I'm certainly not conceited But anyone trying to match my wits Is very soon defeated
I'm a marvellous human being I'm just one big hunk of man Sometimes I have to marvel At how very great I am
Some people call it self-indulgence But they just don't understand That it's hard to be too humble When you know that you're so grand
And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect I just want you to see That I've never met a person Who's as marvellous, spectacular Fantastic and terrific And so very great and wonderful as me
Nobody Here But Us Frogs
Oh, I've really got those ozone layer blues From my elbow down to my shoes So let's throw another fire on the logs
Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine With genuine Columbian lima beans Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic There's nobody here but us frogs
I'd like to find a girl who really cares About the size of my nasal hairs She could feed bananas to the dogs
We could climb the church and look down from the steeple Where all the ants look like people Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious There's nobody here but us frogs
They say I'm crazy But I couldn't care less Why don't they leave me alone Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess
I get a thrill Bein' mentally ill, yes I do They seem to think it's a crime But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes
That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls Makin' obscene telephone calls And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs
I never trust a naked Eskimo And don't you eat that purple snow Revolting and disgusting My belly button's rusting There's nobody here but us frogs
They say I'm crazy But I couldn't care less Why don't they leave me alone Can't they see that I'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess
I get a thrill Bein' mentally ill, yes I do They seem to think it's a crime But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes
That's why I'm happy here inside these padded walls Makin' obscene telephone calls And throwin' TV dinners to the hogs I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot And Wilshire Boulevard's a Commie plot
Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant Superblier commended, eccentric and demented There's nobody here but us Nobody here but us Nobody here but us frogs, I mean it Nobody here but us frogs
Ode To A Superhero
Peter Parker was pitiful Couldn't have been any shyer Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him Even if his hair was on fire
But then one day he went to that science lab That mutated spider came down Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls And he's swingin' all over town
La li la, li de da La la, li le la da dum
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now And there's evil doers to fight
Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his Who horns in on Mary Jane But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys Who can kiss upside down in the rain
With great power comes great responsibility That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line Again and again and again
Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dom
Now Norman's a billionare scientist Who never had time for his son But then something went screw and before you knew he Was trying to kill everyone
And he's ridin' around on that glider thing And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask But he's scarier without it on
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now But where'd you come up with those tights?
It's a pretty sad day at the funeral Norman Osborn has bitten the dust And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust
Oh, and M.J. is all how for Peter now Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try Again when the sequal comes 'round
Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dum
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now And we think that you'll do all right
Pacman
(one, two, thray, four) (one, two [nasal hocking sound])
I used to be a pinball freak That's where you'd find me every week But now it's Pacman Yeah it's the Pacman
I love to gobble up those dots Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots They call it Pacman Yeah it's the Pacman
At the game arcade, they say I'm hard core I can play all day 'til my hands are sore And I quit my job just to play some more But I won't give up 'til I break high score
Pacman [music from Pacman intermission]
Well it's the Pacman Yeah it's the Pacman
Well it takes a lot of cash to play (Pacman, get the cherry) So I'm gonna sell my house today (Pacman, eat 'em up)
I'm playin' Pacman Yeah it's the Pac-ma-an
Hey mom, I won't be home this year (Pacman) Please forward all my mail right here (Pacman) I'm at the Pacman Yeah it's the Pacman
And you're playing with no one but me Pacman
Party At The Leper Colony
Finger food and an ice cold keg It won't cost you an arm and a leg Dance all night to a rotten band Come on, people, let's give 'em a hand
Saturday night, it's the place to be Everybody cut footloose with me At the party at the leper colony Oh, there's a party at the leper colony Hey
Met a little lady so pretty and young She was quite a little talker 'till the cat got her tongue She oozed up beside me, I turned on my charm Well, pretty soon she was completely disarmed
I said, Girl, now don't fall to pieces on me But she cried her eyes out - literally At the party at the leper colony Oh, there's a party at the leper colony Hey, hey
Hey now, buddy, don't you give me no lip Sorry I was using your head for dip There's a guy in the hot tub, I don't know who Wait a minute, it looks like Stu
Well, hold the phone now, what do I see? Another pretty mama got her eye on me At the party at the leper colony Oh, there's a party at the leper colony
There's a party at the leper colony (Party at the leper colony) There's a party at the leper colony (Party at the leper colony)
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony Yeah, party at the leper colony Well, there's a party at the leper colony (Party at the leper colony) Hey
Phony Calls
Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening And you're stuck inside the house all alone That's when you decide it might be fun to harrass someone Dial a random number up on your telephone You ask if their refrigerator is running Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet Listen to me
Don't go makin' phony calls Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to I know that you think it's funny drivin' folks right up the wall But it's really gettin' old fast
Little Melvin has a natural obsession Askin' for Prince Albert in a can He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call To some guy he doesn't know who lives in Japan He's callin' strangers up at three in the morning Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four He won't be laughin' when they're tracin his line One day the phone police will be there at his door Yo, hear me
Don't go makin' phoney calls Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to Swear someday I'm gonna yank that phone cord right out from the wall How long is this phase gonna last? Come on
[Moe :] Moe's Taverne - Where the elite meet to drink. [Bart:] Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there? Last name Rotch. [Moe :] Hold on; I'll check. [Moe :] My crotch! My crotch! Hey, has anybody seen my crotch lately?
[Moe :] Listen to me, you little puke. [Moe :] One of these days, I'm gonna catch you [Moe :] And I'm gonna carve my name on your back with an icepick!
Don't go makin' phoney calls Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to You went through the New Yourk City phone book and prank-called 'em all Hope that you grow out of this fast Grow out of this fast...
Don't go makin' phoney calls Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to But you think it's funny drivin' folks right up the wall But it's really gettin' old fast
Polka Patterns
Everywhere, I see them there I stop and stare at patterns I don't care, I must declare I've got a flair for patterns
On my hair, the clothes I wear My savoir faire is patterns All I see is patterns The patterns that repeat
Let's go into the bathroom I know we're in a room where you would not expect much math Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath But if you gaze upon the floor, and if you're kinda smart You'll see the repetition is like geometric art
Wow, haha Look
Everywhere, I see them there I stop and stare at patterns I don't care, I must declare I've got a flair for patterns
On my hair, the clothes I wear My savoir faire is patterns All I see is patterns The patterns that repeat
Hey!
A polkameister like myself never has to be bored I just grab my ax and play some patterns on my keyboard Now's the time for earplugs if you care about your health So stand back, everybody, I'm gonna express myself
Look at this, patterns I've got blisters on my fingers Woo, hey, aw, get down Yeah, help me, somebody, woo
Still there? Okay
Next time you find yourself at an exciting polka party You can make some patterns with your feet and with your body If you don't know the steps yet, here's the gang with all the answers Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, the Weird Al Polka Dancers
Here they are
Everywhere, we see them there We stop and stare at patterns We don't care, we must declare We've got a flair for patterns
On our hair, the clothes we wear Our savoir faire is patterns All we see is patterns The patterns that repeat
Wallpaper, skyscrapers, funny papers, patterns Evergreens, nouvelle cuisine, human beings, patterns Garden rakes, wedding cakes, rattlesnakes, patterns Golden wheat, little feet, my heartbeat
I gotta stop
Patterns, patterns, patterns, patterns
Polka Power!
Yeah, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want So tell us what you want, what you really really want I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want So tell us what you want, what you really really want I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha, I wanna ha I wanna really really really wanna zigga zigga ah If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends) Make it last forever, friendship never ends If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give (you've got to give) Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is
Hey!
I'm not sick, but I'm not well And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin (yes it's a sin) to live so well
Ghetto superstar - that is what you are Coming from afar, reaching for the stars Run away with me, to another place We can rely on each other, uh huh From one corner to another, uh huh
Everybody (yeah) Rock your body (yeah) Everybody Rock your body right Backstreet's back, all right All right
So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out But now if you're still alive, six to eight years to arrive And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow but if the offer's shun You might as well be walking on the sun Might as well be walking on the sun
Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic
I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again You're never gonna keep me down
Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of light Quicker than a ray of li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ight
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will I wanna take you for granted I wanna take you for granted Yeah, yeah, well I will
I want something else To get me through this semi-charmed kinda life, baby baby I want something else I'm not listening when you say good-bye Doot doot doot doot do do do Doot doot doot doot do do do Doot doot doot doot do do do Do do do do do do
There's lots of pretty, pretty ones That want to get you high But all the pretty, pretty ones Will leave you low and blow your mind We're all stars now in the dope show We're all stars now in the dope show
Mmmbop, do floppa do wop Do be dop ah Do wap, do zap ah, do Yeah-ee yeah Mmmbop, do b'zap ah, do wop Do be dop ah Do wop, doom zap ah, do
I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair Who's that casting devious stares in my direction Mama, this surely is a dream Yeah, yeah mama, this surely is a dream Dig it, yeah mama, this surely is
Closing time One last call for alcohol So finish your whiskey or beer Closing time You don't have to go home But you can't stay here I know who I wanna take me home I know who I wanna take me home I know who I wanna take me home Take us home
'Cause it's closing time Yeah it's closing time We're talkin' 'bout closin' time It's really closin' time
Hey
Polka Your Eyes Out
Rock the cradle of love. Rock the cradle of love Yes, the cradle of love Don't rock easy, it's true Rock the cradle of love I rocked the cradle of love Yes, the cradle of love Don't rock easy, it's true
Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo (Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo)
The Love Shack is a little old place where We can get together Love Shack, baby (Love Shack, baby, Love Shack) Hey!
Pump up the jam (hey!). Pump up the jam (hey!) Pump up the jam, pump it up!
That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion Trying to keep a view And I don't know if I can to it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough
The things you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things you say You're unbelieveable (Oh!)
Do me, baby. Do me, baby You can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night You can do me when you wanna do me Yodalodaladyhoo!
Exit light Enter night Take my hand Off to never never land
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the Hump Do me, baby Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump Do me, baby Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
She's my cherry pie Put a smile on your face ten miles wide Look so good, make a grown man cry Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi Woo!
Drum solo!
I miss you so much (M-O-I miss you so much) I really miss you much (M-I-S-S you so much) I miss you so much (M-O-I miss you so much) I really miss you much
Hey, I don't want anybody else When I think about you I touch myself Oh, I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no no no
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood He's the one that makes you fell all right He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood He's gonna be your Frankenstein
Let's kick it! If you got a problem, (yo!) I'll solve it Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it Ice ice baby Ice ice baby... Word to your mother! Ice ice baby Ice ice baby forever I'll be your ife... ice... baby! Hey!
Polkamon
Krabby, Snubbull, Venonat Mankey, Chansey and Zubat Slowking, Ditto, Butterfree Lugia and Caterpie Oddish, Poliwag, Goldeen Elekid and Nidoqueen Victreebel and Magneton - Everybody Polkamon!
Aerodactyl, Seel, Machoke Marill, Moltres, then Slowpoke Articuno, Ditto, Muk Flareon and ol' Psyduck Cloyster, Kingler, Shellder, Gloom Snorlax and of course Vileplume Zapdos and Charmeleon - Everybody Polkamon!
It's time to polka For Ponyta and Pidgey too Come on put on your lederhosen And try not to stamp on little Pikachu You'd better grab yourself a partner Like Tentacruel or Bulbasaur (Bulbasaur) Hold on a minute - there's still at least a hundred and twenty-seven more
Including Ledyba and Omastar Jynx, Bellossom and Magmar Geodude and Arcanine Jiggypuff and Mr. Mime Don't forget about Sandslash Exeggcute and Rapidash Lickitung and Porygon - Everybody Polkamon!
Everybody Polkamon! Everybody Polkamon!
Pretty Fly For A Rabbi
Veren zol fun dir a blintsa
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi
Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho
Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick I tell ya, he's to dies for - he really knows his shtick
So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew? Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too Workin' like a dog at the synagogue He's there all day, he's there all day Just say Vay iz mir! and he'll kick into gear He'll bring you lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmeer Just grab your yarmulka and Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly (for a rabbi)
He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice He has to find a bargain 'cause he won't pay retail price He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel But if you wanna haggle, oy, he'll make you such a deal!
People used to scoff, now they say Mazel tov! He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul What's not to like? What's not to like? On high holy days, you know he prays and prays And he never eats pastrami on white breath with mayonnaise Put on your yarmulka and Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!
When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip
(How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey (How ya doin' Bernie?) Oy vey, oy vey
Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho
He's doin' well, I gotta kvell The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell Show up at his home, he says Shalom And Have some cake - you want some cake? Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz So grab your yarmulka The one you got for Chanukah Let's put on our yarmulkas and Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing!
RealRadio 104.1
Hi This is weird Al Yankovic fresh off my Alapalooza World Tour When I'm not busy signing autographs Fighting off mobs of beautiful women Making gold albums And counting my big pile of money I listen to the Russ Bowe show on Realradio 104.1
Ricky
[R:] Hey Lucy, I'm home
[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine [L:] You're so fine you blow my mind [L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky
[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine [R:] You're so fine you blow my mind [R:] Hey Lucy, hey Lucy
[L:] Oh Ricky, you're so fine [L:] You play your bongos all the time [L:] Hey Ricky, hey Ricky
[R:] Oh Lucy, you're so fine [R:] How I love tyo hear you whine [R:] Hey Lucy
[L:] Hey Ricky [L:] You always play your conga drums, you think you got the right [L:] You wake up little Ricky in the middle of the night [L:] Stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light Ricky
[R:] I'm sick of Fred and Ethel always comin' over here [R:] 'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer [R:] Why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear Lucy
[L:] Oh Ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do [L:] You really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo [R:] Oh Lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue [R:] Well, here's to you Lucy [R:] I love you too Lucy, too Lucy, let's babaloo Lucy
[L:] Hey Ricky [L:] You're always playin' at the club, you never let me go [L:] I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin' but you always tell me no [L:] Oh, please honey please, let me be in your show Ricky, wah
[R:] You always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too [R:] You iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through [R:] You're such a crazy redhead I just don't know what to do Lucy
[L:] Oh Ricky [L:] What a pity, don't you understand [L:] That every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned [R:] Oh Lucy [R:] I'm the latin leader of the band [R:] So here's to you Lucy [R:] Let's babaloo Lucy, too Lucy [R:] Everybody rumba!
[R:] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
School Cafeteria - Version 1
Is it on? Okay 1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 6 Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria It's got all the others beat It sells over four million burgers a year Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat
My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm But my burrito is much too cold A school cafeteria is the only place That sells artificially colored mold
You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria You can get a taco and get Bubonic Plague
Today in the school cafeteria They introduced a brand new malt It's called boysenberry dysentery Please pass the salt
The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill The enchiladas are enough to kill Before you eat, you'd better make out your will In the school cafeteria today
Say, boys and girls, tired of being skinny Eat a school lunch today All starch and cholesterol Absolutely no protein Remember, fourteen million teenagers can't be wrong
Feel your arteries growing hard As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard
It's no wonder that the food is so gross The health department is afraid to come close So everybody better hold your nose In the school cafeteria today
So listen very closely, all you girls and guys Here's a little message to the wise You'd better not try the chili surprise In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah In the school cafeteria today
School Cafeteria - Version 2
Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria It's got all the others beat It sells over four million burgers a year Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat
My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm But my burrito is much too cold You know a school cafeteria is the only place That sells artificially colored mold
You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria You can buy a taco and get Bubonic Plague
Today in the school cafeteria They introduced a brand new malt It's called boysenberry dysentery Please pass the salt
The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill The enchiladas are enough to kill Before you eat, you'd better make out your will In the school cafeteria today
After sixty-three years in the business Our cook still hasn't got The Knack And all the food in the school cafeteria Comes from CARE packages that were sent back
Feel your arteries growing hard As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard
It's no wonder that the food is so gross The health department is afraid to come close So everybody better hold your nose In the school cafeteria today
So listen very closely, all you girls and guys Here's a little message to the wise You'd better not try the chili surprise In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah In the school cafeteria today
She Drives Like Crazy
Where'd you learn how to steer You do eighty in second gear When you drive, I can't relax Got your license from Cracker Jacks You just hit another tree These fender benders are killin' me
She drives like crazy Like noone else She drives like crazy And I'm afraid for myself
They'll put you behind bars We're not playin' bumper cars Did a great figure eight In the middle of the interstate Tires squeel wherever we go Even hitchhikers just say no
She drives like crazy Her car's a mess She drives like crazy She's got a death wish I guess
She's a demon Behind the wheel Thinks she's drivin' The Batmobile
Burnin' rubber in school zones Runnin' over the traffic cones Passin' semi-s on the right Now my knuckles are turnin' white
She drives like crazy She'll break your necks (?) She drives like crazy She always gets into wrecks
She drives like crazy Like noone else She drives like crazy Now I'm afraid for myself
She drives like crazy Like noone else She drives like crazy And I'm afraid for myself
She Never Told Me She Was A Mime
When we first met she seemed perfectly normal I never dreamed she'd make my life so hard You see, my baby, she started to change Started lookin' kinda strange Wearin' all that white makeup and those black leotards Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well Now, ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life has been a living hell That's right, you see...
She never told me she was a mime She never told me she was a mime, oh no Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time She never told me, she never told me whe was a... Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime
I wish we both could just talk it all over But my baby won't even make a sound Now she makes everybody sick Doin' that pantomime shtick Even our old friends have stopped coming around Well, mmy parents can't stand her and our neighbors hate her guts She's really, really embarrassing me... this silent treatment's driving me nuts You see...
She never told me she was a mime She never told me she was a mime, oh no Now she's actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the time... what a crime She never told me (she never told me) she never told me she was a mime
She walks against the wind everywhere we go Stops at every corner, gotta put on a show Carries 'round a picture of Marcel Marceau Always the wuiet type, but how was I know to know?
She never told me she was a mime She never told me she was a mime, oh no Actin' like she's trapped inside a big glass box all the ti-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yime She never told me, she never told me whe was a mime
Since You've Been Gone
Since you've been gone Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil Since you've been gone It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil Oh well, I'm feelin like I stuck my hand Inside a blender and turned it on You know, I've been in a buttload of pain Since you've been gone
(Since you've been gone) I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped A two-ton bowling ball on my toes (Since you've been gone) It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved A red-hot cactus up my nose
Since you've been gone Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day Since you've been gone It's like I've got an ice cream headache that won't go away Ever since that day you left me I've been so miserable, my dear I feel almost as bad as I did When you were still here
Slime Creatures From Outer Space
Things just haven't been the same Since the flying saucer came Now the aliens are on the loose
Well, we tried to hold 'em back Tried to ward off their attack But our atom bombs were just no use
They were ugly, they were mean Biggest heads I ever seen They made everybody scream and shout
First they leveled Tokyo Then New York was next to go Boy I really wish they'd cut it out
They wasted everybody on my block There goes the neighborhood They'll zap you with their death ray eyes And blow you up real good
Run for your lives (Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space) They're not very nice to the human race (Slime creatures from outer space)
There's more comin' every day And they just won't go away Now they're reproducing in the sewers
They got slimy lizard skin And an evil lookin' grin And they sure could use some manicures
They got hands all covered with fungus They got eyes like some kinda bug I sure hope they don't come in here I just shampooed the rug
Run for your lives (Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space)
They're really makin' a mess of this place. (Slime creatures) (Slime creatures)
(Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space)
They'll rip your head off just for fun They'll paralyze your mind They're wearin' out their welcome
I don't think I like their kind They'll suck your brain out through a straw You just can't trust those guys
So hide the children, lock the doors And always watch the skies Look out, here come the
(Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space) They're an intergalactic disgrace
(Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space) I wish they'd just get outta my face (Slime creatures from outer space) (Slime creatures from outer space)
They're makin' a big fat mess of this place (Slime creatures) (Slime creatures)
Oh, where did they come from? What do they want from us? Who do they think they are? (Slime creatures, slime creatures)
Why don't they leave me alone? (Slime creatures, slime creatures.) They're really getting on my nerves
Snack All Night
I'm never satisfied with three meals a day While the world is sleeping I'll be munching away Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you It don't matter if you snack all night
A million chicken bones are under my bed A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head Jelly doughnuts to the left of me Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right Right, yeah, if you don't mind the calories It don't matter if you snack all night
Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut
Sometimes you feel like a nut Sometimes you don't Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts Mounds don't
Spam
Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy) Spam in my luchbox at work (it's the best) Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all
If you're running low, go to the store Carry some money to help you buy more The tab is there to open the can The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork) Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat) Spam in my office at work (it's the best) Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if it's mystery of meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around Carry a thermose to help wash it down Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home (have some more) Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy) Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best) Think about how it's been precooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold
Now, once you start in, you can't put it down Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown The key is going to open the tin The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh, spam (spam) Ham and pork Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy) Spam (spam) It's the best Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live (have some more) Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (let's eat) Spam in the place where I work (you're obsessed) Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork) Spam any place that you are (ham and pork) The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork) The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
Spatula City
[Announcer:] There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs [Random Voice #1:] Spatula City [Random Voice #2:] Spatula City
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. And because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you. Where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost? [Random Voice:] Spatula City [Random Voice:] Spatula City
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents. And what better way to say I love you. than with the gift of a spatula? [Random Voice:] Spatula City [Random Voice:] Spatula City
Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.
Spatula City - seven locations; we're in the yellow pages under spatulas.
[Neighbor:] My, where did you get that lovely spatula? [Singers:] Spatula City: We sell apatulas, and that's all.
Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White
Doctor, every night I have the strangest dreams Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere
Now Doctor, wait a minute, you ain't heard nothin' yet Next comes the part that I won't ever forget Now I'm bein' followed by these Russian spies They give me some velcro, and an order of fries Suddenly I'm bowling on the Starship Enterprise I fall down a hole and that's when I realize
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White Night after night after night after night
All right!
Doctor, won't you tell me, am I going insane Was it something I ate or something wrong with my brain See, I'm naked in church when I meet a dinosaur Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door And I'm back in the very same place I was before
Now I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White Night after night after night after night
And I can't bust out and I can't break free And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me And I can't go home and I can't get loose And I try to escape but it's just no use
And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win And we're runnin' outta air and the walls are closin' in And I can't go back and I can't get through But Vanna since you're here, why don't you let me buy a vowel from you
Come on Vanna, come on!
Ow, buhhh
Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again That's right, I even wake up screaming now and then See, I'm coming home from work but I forgot my address I'm half an hour late for my algebra test Then some slimy alien jumps out of my chest And I'm falling and falling and I guess you know the rest
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White Night after night after night after night
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White Stuck in a closet with Vanna White N-n-n-night after night after night night night
Then I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya, ya-ya, ya, ya-ya) I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White Night after night after night after night
I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White (ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya ya-ya) I am stuck in a closet with Vanna White
Syndicated Inc.
My whole family Loves Three's Company See the reruns constantly There on my TV
Syndicated Incorporated
Well, I know what's on the tube I know just what too see Got my TV Guide with me
MASH and All In The Family The Munsters and Mayberry R.F.D. I will always be busy Watching my TV
Oprah Winfrey talks to me Every day at three Then soon it'll be Wheel and Jeopardy
Syndicated Incorporated Syndicated Incorporated
Well, I'm in such ecstacy When I'm watchin' TV I'm a boob tube devotee
Think I'm losin' my sanity I'm addicted to Regis & Kathy Lee Forever I will always be Glued to my TV
Love The Partridge Family And Dynasty And Laverne & Shirley And Hard Copy
Syndicated Incorporated Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated (MASH and All In The Family) (I know just what too see) Syndicated Incorporated (I'm addicted to Regis & Kathy Lee) (I know what's on the tube) Syndicated Incorporated (Forever I will always be) (I know just what to see) Syndicated Incorporated (Watching my TV) (I know what's on the tube) Syndicated Incorporated (Think I'm losin' my sanity) (I know just what to see) Syndicated Incorporated
Taco Grande
Taco... grande. Taco... grande
Yo quiero chimichangas y chile colorado Yo tengo el dinero para un steak picado Las flautas y tamales, siempre muy bueno Y el chile relleno
You see, I just gotta have a tostada, carne asada That's right, I want the whole enchilada My only addiction has to do with a flour tortilla I need a quesadilla
I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbón With my friends, or when I'm all alone Yo tengo mucho hambre y ahora lo quiero Un burrito ranchero
So give me something spicy and hot, now Break out the menu, what you got, now? Oh, would you tell the waiter I'd like to have sour cream on the side You better make sure the beans are refried
Taco... grande. Taco... grande
Well, there's not a taco big enough for a man like me That's why I order two or three Let me give you a tip, just try a nacho chip It's really good with bean dip
I eat uno, dos, tres, quarto burritos Pretty soon I can't fit in my Speedos Well, I hope they feed us lots of chicken fajitas And a pitcher of margaritas
Well, the combination plates all come with beans and rice The taquitos here are very nice Now I'm down on my knees, we need some extra tomatoes and cheese And could you make that separate checks, please?
Taco... grande. Taco... grande
Buenos noches, senor. bienvenido a el burritos casa de salsa. tenemos muchos platos muy sabrosos si puedo recomendar el ardiente pollo al infierno muy delicioso. sus ojos se quemaran, su estomago estara en fuego, se quedaran en el baño por una semana, entiendes lo que digo gringo estupido tonto? Well, the food is coming, I can hardly wait Now watch your fingers, careful hot plate! What you think you're doing with my chile con queso? Well, if you want some, just say so
Oh boy, pico de gallo They sure don't make it like this in Ohio No gracias, yo quiero jalepeños, nada más You can toss away the hot sauce
?Donde estan los nachos? Holy frijole! You better get me a bowl of guacamole Y Uusted, Eugene? Why's your face turning green? Don't you like pinto beans?
You want some more cinnamon crispas? If you don't, hasta la vista Just take the rest home in a doggie bag if you wanna You can finish it mañana
Well, it's been a pleasure, I can't eat no more Señor, la cuenta, por favor If you ain't tried real Mexican cooking, well, you oughta Just don't drink the water
Take Me Down
Someday I'm gonna pack up And then I'm goin' back up To that place where sentimental feelings arouse
Where the grass is so green And the air is so clean That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today
If you're new in town Then you'll wanna look around But you don't know where to begin Well, there's Bubble Gum Alley And the local car rally Not to mention the toilets at Madonna Inn
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today
It's not much of a hassle To drive up to Hearst's Castle And it's not too far from Pismo Beach or Morro Rock
You can visit downtown at your leisure Because for your shopping pleasure The stores never close down until five o'clock
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town Where time shifts into neutral And idles away
Take me down (take me down) To that good old SLO town I've got to get back To that city today
Take Me To The Liver
I'd like to do some more songs about buildings and food This is a song about liver, very high in protein, very good for ya Hope you like it
I don't know why You feed me so bad Think of all the health food I could've had
You took-a my yogurt And my whole wheat bread You give me Ding Dongs And Twinkies instead
I wanna know Can you tell me When is it going to end
Take me to the liver Push it on my platter Give me a piece of liver Oh, drop it on my platter
Scarfin' it down Scarfin' it down
Take The L Out Of Liver
Take the L out of liver And it's iver
Talk Soup
I dated Siamese twins I slept with Bigfoot, too Get me on Sally Jesse Put me on Donahue 'Cause I wanna tell the world about it Right Now
My dog's a narcoleptic My mom's a circus freak I gotta get a spot on Geraldo's show this week 'Cause I wanna tell the world about it Right Now
I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict Stripper born without a chin And I'm only comfortable talking about it When the whole wide world is listening in
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
My wife ran off with Elvis My boss shaved off my hair I've got a thing for poodles And rubber underwear And I wanna tell the world about it Right Now
I had a close encounter I never chew my food I got eleven nose jobs I yodel in the nude And I wanna tell the world about it Right Now
I'm just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-Nazi Porno star, as you may have guessed And I'm really gonna feel a whole lot better If you let me get this thing off my chest
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
I'm just your average schizophrenic nymphomaniac Albino go-go dancer, you see Nothin' so bad that I can't share it With a billion friends on national TV, whoa...
I have no genitalia I sold my kids for cheese I love my blow up doll, so Bring out those cameras, please 'Cause I wanna tell the world about it Right Now
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
Talk Soup... Talk Soup Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me
The Ballad Of Kent Marlow
You did a really rotten thing And let Scout take all the blame You wrecked his reputation And left that poor boy in shame Yeah, but now I think it's time To show who really did the crime Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, lyin', worthless hunk of slime
Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, cheatin' Lyin', no good, lousy, stinkin' Back stabbin', scum suckin', worthless hunk of slime
The Hot Rocks Polka
If I could stick my hand in my heart Spill it all over the stage Would it satisfy you Would it slide on by you Would you think the boy is strange Ain't it stra-a-ange
If I could win If I could sing A love song so divine Would it be enough for your cheating heart If I broke down and cried If I cri-i-ied I said, Ah no, It's only rock 'n' roll But I like it Ah no, it's only rock 'n' roll But I like it, like it Yes I do I really really really really do do-do do do Hey
Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields Sold in a market down in New Orleans Scarred old slaver knows he's doin' all right Hear they whip the women just around midnight
Brown sugar How come you taste so good Brown sugar Just like a young girl should
I saw her today at the reception A glass of wine in her hand I knew she would make her connection By her feet was a footloose man
You can't always get what you want You can't always get what you want You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes You might find You get what you need
You need honkey tonk women Gimme gimme gimme the honkey tonk blues
Under my thumb The girl who once had me down Under my thumb The girl who once pushed me around It's down to me Yes it is The way she talks when she's spoken to Down to me The change has come She's under my thumb
So, goodbye ruby Tuesday Who could hang a name on you When you change with every new day Still, I'm gonna miss you
Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who Who who who who who-who who who who who who-who who who who-who
Please allow me to introdue myself I'm a man of wealth and taste (woo woo) I've been around for a long long year So many a man sold a faith (woo woo) Pleased to meet you (woo woo) Hope you guessed (woo woo) my name (woo woo woo woo) 'Cause what's bothering you (woo woo) Is the nature (woo woo) of my game (woo woo woo woo)
I said, Hey! You! Get off of my cloud! Hey! You! Get off of my cloud! Hey! You! Get off of my cloud! Don't hang around because two's a crowd
Shay-do-bay(?), shatter, shay-do-bay(?), shatter
Laughter, joy, and lonliness And sex and sex and sex and sex Look at me I'm in tatters Shay-do-bay(?), I'm shattered Shay-do-bay(?), shatter
This doesn't happen to me every day, oh my Let's spend the night together No excuses offered anyway, oh my Let's spend the night together I'll satisfy your every need (every need) And I know you'll satisfy me Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-my Let's spend the night together Now I need you more than ever Let's spend the night together now Ma-ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma ma my
I can't get no Satisfaction I can't get no Girlie action 'Cause I try (and I try) and I try (and I try) And I try (and I try) and I try (and I try) I can't get no I can't get no I can't get no Satisfaction Satisfaction Satisfaction Satisfaction
The Night Santa Went Crazy
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye, Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, It tastes just like chicken!
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F.B.I. There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin' And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why? My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time In a federal prison for his infamous crime Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was sick of gettin' gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he's gettin' a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain
The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory)
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye, Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, It tastes just like chicken!
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F.B.I. There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin' And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why? My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes Virginia, Now Santa is dead Some guy From the swat team blew a hole through his head Yes little friend now, thats his brains on the floor, I guess they wont have the fat guy kicking around anymore But now there's no more presents for children's enjoyment And the Elves have to wait in the line and file for unemployment And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was sick of gettin' gypped
Wo, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he's gettin' a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain
The Plumbing Song
([Announcer:] Who fixes plumbing problems in a flash? Twenty four hours a day? Seven days a week?)
Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand But plumbing's one thing I don't understand It's true (Haven't got a clue) B-b-b-baby, I can tell you've got a big problem When I flush the john, then your shower goes on (Baby) Now watcha gonna do? If Drano's a joke and your plunger is broke Baby, call the mensch with a monkey wrench (Baby) He'll be there for you
Shower's backing up (up, up)? Water won't go down (down, down)? Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Don't forget my plumber Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Sink's been stopped up all summer Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Better call the plumber He'll know what to do
Pipes been blowing up Pipes been breaking down And the carpet's soaked... right through Ba-ba ba ba ba, ba-ba ba ba ba ba Ba-ba ba ba ba, kitchen's flooded, too Ba-ba ba ba ba, ba-ba ba ba ba ba Ba-ba ba ba ba, girl, you know it's true
B-b-b-betcha this guy makes more than my lawer If he works for one day, costs you half a year's pay (Baby) He can be here by 2:00 So if you've got cash, he'll be there in a flash Makin' service calls in his overalls (Baby) He'll do his best for you
Sewer's backing up (up, up)? Got you feelin' down (down, down)? Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Don't forget my plumber Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Leaky pipes are a bummer Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby Time to call the plumber Maybe call a few
Got a problem with plumbing? Gotta blame it on something Blame it on the drain it was cloggin', cloggin' Blame it on the faucet that drips all night If hairballs, grease and goo Won't let the water through Blame it on the drain, yeah, yeah
When I flush the john, now when I flush the john It turns your shower on (Roto-Rooter 6-5000) Ba ba-ba-ba, baby Better call my plumber He'll know what to do
([Announcer:] Call now. We're in the yellow pages!)
The Saga Begins
A long, long time ago In a galaxy far away Naboo was under an attack And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn Could talk the federation into Maybe cutting them a little slack But their response, it didn't thrill us They locked the doors and tried to kill us We escaped from that gas Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass We took a bongo from the scene And we went to Theed to see the Queen We all wound up on Tatooine That's where we found this boy...
Oh my my this here Anakin guy May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
Did you know this junkyard slave Isn't even old enough to shave And he can use the Force, they say Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen Though he's just nine and she's fourteen Yah, he's probably gonna marry her someday Well, I knew he built C-3PO And I've heard how fast his pod can go And we were broke, it's true So we made a wager or two He was a prepubescent flyin' ace And the minute Jabba started off that race Well, I knew who would win first place Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin' ... My my this here Anakin guy May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
Now we finally got to Coruscant The Jedi Council we knew would want To see how good the boy could be So we took him there and we told the tale How his midi-chlorians were off the scale And he might fulfill that prophecy Oh, the Council was impressed, of course Could he bring balance to the Force? They interview the kid Oh, training they forbid Because Yoda sensed in him much fear And Qui-Gon said Now listen here Just stick it in your pointy ear I still will teach this boy
He was singin' ... My my this here Anakin guy May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
We caught a ride back to Naboo 'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to I frankly would've liked to stay We all fought in that epic war And it wasn't long at all before Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day And in the end some Gunguns died Some ships blew up and some pilots fried A lot of folks were croakin' The battle droids were broken And the Jedi I admire most Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost I guess I'll train this boy
And I was singin' ... My my this here Anakin guy May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
We were singin' ... My my this here Anakin guy May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi
The Weird Al Show Theme
Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal But the sanitation workers really didn't approve So he packed up his accordion and had to move To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory And he played on the company bowling team And every single night he had a strange recurring dream Where he was wearing lederhose in a vat of sour cream But that's really not important to the story
Well, the very next year he met a dental hygienist With a spatula tatooed on her arm (on her arm) But he didn't keep in touch And he lost her number Then he got himself a job on a tator tot farm And he spent his life-savings on a split-level cave Twenty miles below the surface of the Earth (of the Earth) And he really makes a might fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich For what it's worth
Then one day Al was in the forest trying to get a tan When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man He was caught in a beart trap and Al set him free And the guy that he rescued was grateful as could be And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV So he gives Al a contract and whaddya know Now he's got his very own Weird Al show
The White Stuff
The white stuff, The white stuff
The first one was a sweet one Second one was a blast Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast You can see 'em in my teeth Tell it when I talk Had so many my pancreas just went into shock
I love the white stuff, baby In the middle of an Oreo I love the white stuff, baby It's the most delicious thing I know
I've had a zillion or two In my life, they're so right My teeth are all rotted clear through But who cares? What else am I supposed to do?
Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, Oh Oreo Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, the white stuff Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, Oh Oreo What's in the middle? The white stuff
The first time that I tried it Got a big sugar buzz Nothing gets me high as that sandwhich cookie does But I love the filling most I rub it on my roast Mix it in with my coffee and spread it on my toast
I love the white stuff, baby In the middle of an Oreo I love the white stuff, baby Take some with me everywhere I go
Might get a pimple or two Well, so what? It's all right Now Twinkies and Ding Dongs won't do All I need... You know what it is
Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, Oh Oreo Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, the white stuff Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, Oh Oreo Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, the white stuff Oh OH OH-OH-Oh, Oh Oreo What's in the middle? The white stuff
This Is The Life
I eat filet mignon seven times a day My bathtub's filled with Perrier What can I say This is the life
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood I hire somebody to chew my food I'm an upwardly mobile dude This is the life
They say that money corrupts you But I can't really tell I got the whole world at my feet And I think it's pretty swell
I got women lined up outside my door They've been waitin' there since the week before Who could ask for more This is the life
You're dead for a real long time You just can't prevent it So if money can't buy happiness I guess I'll have to rent it
Yeah, every day I make the front page news No time to pay my dues I got a million pairs of shoes This is the life
I got a solid gold Cadillac I make a fortune while I sleep You can tell I'm a living legend Not some ordinary creep
No way, I'm the boss, the big cheese Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees And I can do just what I please This is the life
That's right, I'm the king, number one I buy monographed Kleenex by the ton I pay the bills, I call the shots I grease the palms, I buy the yachts
One thing I can guarantee The best things in life, they sure ain't free It's such a thrill just to be me This is the life Waah, this is the life
Traffic Jam
Carbon monoxide Making me choke No A.C. And the radio's broke Cars backed up Far as you can see Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity Oh, and just in case you're wondering I'll tell you where I am I'm right here (right here) right here (right here) Stuck right here in the middle of this...
Traffic jam I haven't moved one inch from this here spot Traffic jam The freeway's one big parking lot Traffic jam My radiator's boiling hot And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle) Right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Trapped inside My automobile Cobweb's gowin' On the steerin' wheel Now, I'm no genius But one thing I know I shouldn't have had that bag of bran muffins An hour and a half ago Yeah, and if you need to find me I'll tell you where I am I'm right here (right here) right here (right here) Stuck smack dab in the middle of this...
Traffic jam I haven't moved one inch from this here spot Traffic jam The freeway's one big parking lot Traffic jam Well, I thought we were movin' but I guess we're not 'Cause I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle) Right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam yeah yeah yeah yeah Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper... Yay-hey!
There's a yuppie on a cellular phone I'm gonna puke if I here any more There's a motorcycle zoomin' by me Watch what happens when I open my door Now we're all goin' nowhere fast Well, I guess that's perfectly clear I left home five hours ago And I can still see my house from here So if anybody's tryin' to find me Well, I'll tell you where I am Right here (right here) right here (right here) Stuck right here in the middle of this...
Traffic jam I haven't moved one inch from this here spot Traffic jam The freeway's one big parking lot Traffic jam Now my back teeth are floatin' and my nerves are shot And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle) Stuck right here in the middle of a traffic jam Traffic Jam... traffic jam... traffic jam... woo!
Trash Day
It's rotten So rotten here So rotten Oh
It was like, the last day before trash day My place was gettin' kinda nas-tay Even though the garbage I knew would reek (You know) Thought that I could leave it for one more week
Then, um, I'm takin' Birthday cake 'n' (Oh) Chili and greasy old bacon Throw it all on top of the mess I been makin'
Wife's so mad, she starts to shakin' Leaky bag, 'n' now that girl is gaggin' She's naggin' I need you to get that stuff off the kitchen floor Is that too much to ask for?
But I see no reason why Can't let a few more weeks go by And now garbage is piled high And buddy, you should see the flies I said ...
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?) You better hold your nose, oh (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out) Oh, boy there's a lot in here (a lot) And every day it grows (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out) Make ya wanna throw up
Look at all this garbage I keep generatin' (Come on) I sit around all day and watch it biodegradin' Bet there's a hundred health codes that I'm violatin' Even my dog passed out and needed resuscitatin'
You won't believe it, take a whiff of that aroma Sure to put you in a coma It's so messy, can't find my toenail clippers It so bad the roaches wearin' slippers
Warm, sweaty clothes piled up in this joint Stand up by themselves at this point It's so filthy, now baby, I can't lie I wipe my feet before I go outside
I wonder what crawled in there and died (You know) Walkin' 'round barefoot, I'd be terrified But it gives me stuff to talk about with my friends Like, Hey, I think them rats gettin' big! Oh
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?) You better hold your nose, oh (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out) Oh, look what we got in here (now what?) Let's watch it decompose (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Make ya wanna throw up With a little bit a ***, and a little bit a *** Make me wanna throw up It makes ya wanna ***, just makes ya wanna *** Oh
Some Lysol, some Comet I got a mop and it's got your name on it (What?) I'm just kiddin', doggone it (Oh) Unless you gonna do it
Careful not to breathe the fumes Check it, garbage piles are goin' all the way to the bathroom Turn into toxic waste sometime this afternoon Better get a Hazmat suit and a push broom Oh
There's somethin' rotten here (say what?) You better hold your nose, oh (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out) Oh, it's gone to pot in here (to pot) Bring out the firehose (uh, uh, uh, uh) (Hey, you disgusting slob, you gotta take the trash out)
Make ya wanna throw up With a little bit a ***, and a little bit a *** Make me wanna throw up Give a little bit a ***, and a tiny bit a ***
Make ya wanna throw up Mix a little bit a *** with a molecule a *** Make me wanna throw up It makes me wanna *** (aw, eww), just makes me wanna *** [spit] Oh
Trigger Happy
Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel alright Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night There's no feeling any greter Than to shoot first and ask questions later Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Well, you can't take my guns away, I got a constitutional right Yeah, I gotta be ready if the Commies attack us tonight I'll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson That ought to teach them all a darn good lesson Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away
Oh, I accidently shot daddy last night in the den I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again Now why'd you have to get so mad? It was just a lousy flesh wound, Dad You know, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet I filled that kitty cat so full of lead We'll have to use him for a pencil instead Well, I'm so trigger happy, trigger happy every day
(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away
Come on and grab your ammo What have you got to lose? We'll all get liquored up And shoot at anything that moves
Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight Oh, I'm prayin' somebody tries to break in here tonight I always keep a Magnum in my trunk You better ask yourself, do you feel lucky, punk? Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day
(Oh yeah, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh baby, I'm)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy (Oh I'm so)trigger, trigger happy Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy Better watch out, punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away
Truck Drivin' Song
I'm drivin' a truck Drivin' a big ol' truck Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn Drivin' a truck with my high heels on
My diesel rig is northward bound It's time to put that hammer down Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel But it's sure hard to hold the wheel While I'm waiting for my nails to dry
Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror And my pink angora sweater fits so tight I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight Well, I sure hope my seams are straight Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight
Because I'm drivin' a truck Drivin' a big ol' truck Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck Got these eighteen wheels-a-rollin' until the break of dawn Drivin' a truck with my high heels on
Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me And my nipple rings don't bother me too much But when I hit those big speed bumps My darling little rhinestone pumps Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch
But still I'm drivin' a truck Drivin' a big ol' truck Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on
I'm drivin' a truck Drivin' a truck Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck And I'm late for my appointment down at my hair salon So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on
Twister
Yeah Well, Well, Milton Bradley's got a def one It's a Twister (Twister, Twister, Twister) Yeah, all the girls and homeboys Playin' Twister (Twister, Twister, Twister!) Spin the spinner and call the shot Twister ties you up in a knot That's Twister Yeah, Twister
Check it Right foot blue (Right foot blue) Left hand red (Left hand red) Left, Right, Yellow, Blue, Green Yeah, Twister
Now, everybody's chillin' With the Twister (Twister) Wherever things are illin' You'll find Twister (Twister, Twister!) That's Twister Yeah, Twister
Yeah buddy You gotta get it Yeah Twister From MB
UHF
Put down your remote control Throw out your TV Guide Put away your jacket There's no need to go outside Don't you know that we control the horizontal We control the verticle, too We gonna make a couch potato out of you That's what we gonna do now
Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink You better put away your homework Prime time ain't no time to think All you do is make yourself a TV dinner Press your face right up against the screen We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen If you know what I mean, now
Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF
You can watch us all day You can watch us all night You can watch us any time that you please You can sit around and stare at the picture tube 'Till your brain turns into cottage cheese Well, now
Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial We got it all on UHF Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while We got it all on UHF Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we got it) (We got it) we got (we got it) it all (we got it) on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (we got it all) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (on UHF) We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all (we got it all) on UHF (we go it) We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF (UHF) We got it all on UHF
Velvet Elvis
My life, it used to be incomplete 'Till I saw what I was looking for at a drive-in swap meet My life it won't be the same again Now I'm proud to say the king lives on inside my den
Oh, it's all I live for, it's all I need My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis means the world to me
Although he may not be worth much dough He means much more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh Check out those sideburns, there's nothing greater You can tell that he's no velvet Elvis imitator
Oh, it's all I live for, it's all I need My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis Oh, now you can't you see My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis My velvet Elvis means the world to me
In my own private Graceland In my own little shrine to the king I don't want nothin' else No, I don't need anything Don't need no lava lamp Don't need no soap on a rope No pictures of Mexican kids with those really big eyes Or dogs playing poker
When I'm at home watching my TV I know the king is always looking down on me He looks so handsome, he stands so tall So glad he's big enough to cover up that hole in the wall
(Velvet Elvis) He's so fuzzy (Velvet Elvis) He's so great (Velvet Elvis) Never ages (Velvet Elvis) Never puts on weight (Velvet Elvis) Look at those rhinestones (Velvet Elvis) He's just so fine (Velvet Elvis) You can look but don't touch now (Velvet Elvis) 'Cause he's mine all mine
Waffle King
It took a lifetime, but I finally found The perfect waffle recipe You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town One little bite and I'm sure that you'll agree
Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak Aw, you're gonna lick your plate clean People come from miles around just to study my technique I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen
I'm the Waffle King (Waffle King)... yeah Waffle King (Waffle King) That's what they call me Waffle King (Waffle King) Hey, I'm the Waffle King
Everywhere I go, the people cheer I never have to wait in line People say, Right this way, sir... Your money's no good here.' Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine
And everybody say, Well, I'm your biggest fan! I seen your picture in People Magazine! Folks come from around the world just to shake my hand If you don't believe in the power of the waffle lemme show you just what I mean
I'm the Waffle King (Waffle King) Make you want to scream and shout Waffle King (Waffle King) That's my name, don't wear it out Waffle King (Waffle King) Make no mistake about it I'm the Waffle King... yeah
Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come All you peons better scram Out of my way, you worthless piece of scum Don't you know who I am? Hey!
I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools Everybody, on your knees You wanna buy a waffle, you're playin' by my rules Go on, beg me... lemme hear you say pretty please
Can't you tell the universe revolves around me? Don't you know you suckers owe me everything? And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there could ever be? Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing Come on know...
Waffle King Hey, batter batter Waffle King Hot on your platter Waffle King Say, what's the matter Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who I am? Tell 'em, girls (He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King) Yeah yeah (He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King) Tell the truth now (He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King) Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who I am?
Wanna B Ur Lovr
I don't have a library card But do you mind if I check you out? I like your skeletal structure, baby You're an ectomorph, no doubt
Your face is real symmetrical And your nostils are so nice I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl So I could see you twice
Girl, you smell like Fritos That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare You're so hot, you're gonna melt The elastic in my underwear
I'll bet you're magically delicious Like a bowl of Lucky Charms You'd look like Venus de Milo If I just cut off your arms What I'm tryin' to say is ...
I wanna be your lover, baby I need somebody to love You know I just wanna be your lover, baby Now, I need somebody to love
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Do you believe in love at first sight Or should I walk by again? My love for you'd like diarrhea I just can't hold it in
Stop, drop and roll now 'Cause baby, you're on fire I'll bet your outfit Makes a lot of noise in the drier
You're absolutely perfect Don't speak now, you might spoil it Your eyes are even bluer Than the water in my toilet
Say, has anyone ever told you You've got Yugoslavian hands? No, of course not, that would be stupid Just forget I ever brought it up The point I'm trying to make is ...
I wanna be your lover, baby I need somebody to love You know I just wanna be your lover, baby Now, I need somebody to love
Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
I wanna be your Krakatoa Let my lava flow all over you I wanna be your anaconda And your heat-seeking missile too
I wanna be your beef burrito Am I making this perfectly clear? I wanna be your love torpedo Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here? Uh huh
I hope I'm not being forward But do you mind if I chew on your butt? You can tell me truthfully Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?
There just aren't enough o's in smooth To desribe how smooth I am Maybe you've seen my picture It's in the dictionary under Kablaam!
My lips are registered weapons Can I invade your personal space? You must have fallen from heaven That would explain how you messed up your face
Well, how'd you get through security? 'Cause, baby, you're the bomb I'd like to take you home right now So you can meet my mom Because I ...
I wanna be your lover, baby I need somebody to love You know I just wanna be your lover, baby Now, I need somebody to love
Girl, you must be Jamaican Because Jamaican me crazy Girl, you must be Jamaican (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) Because Jamaican me crazy (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo) You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo) You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo) You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
I wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo) You know I just wanna be your lover, baby (Girl, you must be Jamaican) (Ooh hoo hoo, ooh hoo hoo) Now, I need somebody to love (Because Jamaican me crazy) (Ooh hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo)
We Got The Beef
Had ourselves a little barbeque Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too Joe got the Fritos, Ernie got the stew So what did you bring
We got the beef We got the beef We got the beef Yeah, we got it
(We got the beef) Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef) Grab a hunk of ??? beef (we got the beef) Chuck daddy (we got the beef) Now, ground round by the pound
We got the beef (we got the beef) We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the beef) We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the) We got the beef
When I Was Your Age
Let me tell you sonny... let me tell you straight You kids today ain't never had it tough Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate You lazy brats think nothing's good enough
Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below We had to walk buck naked through forty miles of snow Worked in the coal mines twenty two hours a day for just half a cent Had to sell me internal organs just to pay the rent
When I was your age. When I was your age When I was your age. When I was your age
Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot There's something wrong with all you kids today You just don't appreciate all the things you've got We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way
There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks Every night for dinner, we had a big 'ol chunk of dirt If we were really good, we didn't get dessert
When I was your age. When I was your age When I was your age. When I was your age
Didn't have no telephone, didn't have no FAX machine All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad Our neighbor's mseptic tank was the closest thing we had Didn't have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass
What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't believe this junk? You think my story's wearin' kinda thin? I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline
Dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whoop ourselves Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain
When I was your age. When I was your age When I was your age. When I was your age
Why Does This Always Happen To Me?
I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About dsome devistating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive On the Richter scale it measured 8.2
And I said, God, please answer me one question? Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this? What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed
Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me? Why does this always happen? (Why) Why does this always happen to me?
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head
And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work
Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me? Why does this always happen? (Why) Why does this always happen to me?
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba
Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner And he told me I should buy another case Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)
Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again) Oh, tell me
Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me? Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?) Why does this always happen to me? (Why does this always happen to me?)
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Won't Eat Prunes Again
It was just the other day When we went to Joe's Cafe Just to order up a couple steaks to eat
But we noticed something wrong All the Worcestershire was gone But the waitress brought a different kind of treat
She said this sauce was the chef's new creation Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation But she warned us it's made out of prunes Try a little if you dare Nothing can compare So we had some and now we swear We won't eat prunes again
That was such a dirty trick Boy, it really made us sick Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune
Still the memory lingers on I been livin' in the john 'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon
I'd sell my soul for some new constipation Need a cure for this new aggravation Diarrhea has taken its toll Still got the runs today Just like yesterday Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say We won't eat prunes again
Won't eat prunes again No no
Yeah
Eat the new sauce Same as the old sauce
You Don't Love Me Anymore
We've been together for so very long But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? Seems you don't want me around The passion is gone and the flame's died down
I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem That time that you made it with the whole hockey team You used to think I was nice Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist
Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks in my car? That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?
You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down that elevator shaft
Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer? Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more
You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You set my house on fire You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers
Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hole in my head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead
Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all You never acted this way before Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
You Don't Take Your Showers
You don't take your showers You don't use Ban Roll On Please don't come near me anymore I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill
I remember when
You used to smell half-decent That hasn't been too recent Now your repulsing all the people you know You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go
'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore
I had to buy some Airwick You even made my dog sick You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor And besides, you're a slob
You create a nuisance When you're out in public When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes And they just run from you, holding their nose And you claim that you're lonely But that's how it goes
'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore
And you claim that you're lonely But that's how it goes
'Cuz you don't change your undies And you don't use Ban Roll On And you don't take your showers anymore
You Make Me
You make me wanna slam my head against the wall You make me do the limbo You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall You make me watch the Gong Show There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it
You make me You make me You make me That's what you do to me
You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts You make me wanna phone home You make me wanna write a dozen book reports Then pack myself in styrofoam Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles
You make me You make me You make me That's what you do to me
(You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what, what you do to me
You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park Then take my hamster to the beach You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark And use a recommended bleach When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie
You make me You make me You make me That's what you do to me
(You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what, what you do to me
That's what you do to me That's what you do to me That's what you do to me You make me wanna break the laws of time and space You make me wanna eat pork You make me wanna staple bagels to my face Then remove 'em with a pitchfork You know there's something quite unusual about you but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it
You make me You make me You make me That's what you do to me
(You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what, what you do to me
(You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do-do-do-do-do to me
(You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do (You make me) That's what you do to me
Young, Dumb & Ugly
We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes Most of our brain cells are gone We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad Or we just might toilet paper your lawn We got a reputation 'round these parts We only leave a ten percent tip Sometimes we don't return our shoping carts Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip
'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly That's what we are We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
We wear black leather in the hottest weather You can't imagine the smell We got three-day stubble, our names spell trouble T-R-U-B-E-L Reaisin' hell, bendin' the rules just a little We're livin' only for thrills We squeeze our tooothpaste tubes from the middle And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills
'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly You better believe it We're young... young, dumb and ugly I'll tell you again We're so young... young, dumb and ugly We're comin' to your town Yeah, we're young... young, dumb and ugly
We're wild, reckless men, we're on a rampage again We drive with just one hand on the wheel Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal We're there wherever trouble's starting We're rebels without a clue We drink milk right from the carton And keep our library books 'till they're way overdue
'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly That's what we are We're so young... young, dumb and ugly You can't stop us We're young... we're so young, dumb and ugly Young, dumb & ugly We're young... we're young, dumb and ugly So ugly Young... dumb... & ugly
Your Horoscope For Today
Aquarius There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
Pisces Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
Aries The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
Taurus You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today
Gemini Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
Cancer The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test
Leo Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik
Virgo All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.
Where was I?
Libra A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
Scorpio Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak
Sagittarius All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them) Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
Capricorn The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) That's your horoscope for today
eBay
Yeah A used ... pink bathrobe A rare ... mint snowglobe A Smurf ... TV tray I bought on eBay
My house ... is filled with this crap Shows up in bubble wrap Most every day What I bought on eBay
Tell me why (I need another pet rock) Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock) Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee) They had it on eBay
I'll buy ... your knick-knack Just check ... my feedback A++! they all say They love me on eBay
Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag) Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag) (From some guy) I've never met in Norway Found him on eBay
I am the type who is liable to snipe you With two seconds left to go, whoa Got Paypal or Visa, what erev'll please As long as I've got the dough
I'll buy ... your tchotchkes Sell me ... your watch, please I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...) I'm highest bidder now
(Junk keeps arriving in the mail) (From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) (Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) Oh yeah ... (I bought it on eBay)
Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox) Wanna buy (a case on vintage tube socks) Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre) (Found it on eBay)
Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster) (Pez dispensers and a toaster) (Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away) (I'll buy on eBay)
What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y
food medley as performed in 1985 - 01
I had a pizza, Covered with cheese. I wrapped it all up in aluminum foil, Stuck it back in the freeze.
Look at my crust now, See what I mean. It's getting all wrinkled, And my pepperoni is hairy and green.
Ah, 'cause it's moldy now, It got moldy fast. How can I Make leftovers last, make leftovers last?
I was so hungry, What could I do? I finished the pizza And topped it all off with some mystery stew.
Now I feel kinda queasy, Yeah, yeah, what can I say? So I called my physician To wish him that he'd make a house call today.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 02
Woah, 'cause he's my doctor, doctor, And his name is Bernie, Bernie. Oh, doctor, doctor, I'm feelin' pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor, And his name is Bernie, Bernie. Oh, doctor, doctor, Where's my Pepto Bismol?
food medley as performed in 1985 - 03
The first steak I ordered, It wasn't very hot. I had to send it back, Let 'em have one more shot. But the second steak I ordered, Well it was lousy too. Now I really hate to say it, But there's one thing that you gotta do.
Make me steak number three, yeah. Make me steak number three. Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make me steak number three.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 04
Burger King! What's the price for fries? I'll take the jumbo size! I need fast food tonight!
food medley as performed in 1985 - 05
Hey! Oooh! Oh! One rule you all should obey: Eat from the four basic food groups everyday. Have bread, and vegetables too, Some dairy products, but whatever you do
Don't you forget about meat. Don't, don't, don't, don't, Don't you forget about meat.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 06
I know to keep a woman satisfied. When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide. They're always in the mood for something to munch. Ah girls, they wanna have lunch. Ah, girls just wanna have...
That's all they really want, Some lunch. Don't ask 'em to dinner Or breakfast or brunch, 'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch. Ah, girls just wanna have lunch.
Girls they want, wanna have lunch, girls, wanna have...
food medley as performed in 1985 - 07
Fat and weak, what a disgrace. Guess the champ got too lazy. Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space. Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.
But he's no bum, he lives down the street. He bought the neighborhood deli. Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat. Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say,
Try the rye or the kaiser, They're on special tonight. Let me please be your catering advisor. If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight. You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 08
I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool. Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school. Yeah, but chocolate's gettin' old, Vanilla just leaves me cold. There's just one flavor good enough for me, yeah me! Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon, I know what I need.
Baby, I love rocky road, So won't you go and buy half a gallon, baby? I love rocky road, Now have another triple scoop with me! Ow!
food medley as performed in 1985 - 09
Oh, oh, here she comes. Boy, she likes that processed meat. Oh, oh, here she comes. She's Spameater!
food medley as performed in 1985 - 10
Baby, when we go to parties, I drink a buncha beer. Then my tummy starts a-grumblin' Feelin' queer.
And then I feel like I feel like throwin' up! I feel like throwin' up! Feel like throwin' up on you.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 11
Avocado, What makes you think you're so holy? You're gonna be guacamole before too long.
Oh, you're a green one, You know that you're out of season. You'd better let somebody eat you, Let somebody eat you. Ya better let somebody eat you Before it's too late.
food medley as performed in 1985 - 12
Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch! Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Way down inside! Woman, you need LUNCH!
food medley as performed in 1985 - 13
Goin' to the market now, market now. I'm the city's biggest bologna buyer. Walkin' down the shopping aisle, shopping aisle, Filling up my basket with Oscar Meyer.
Never gonna stop, eat it up, Such a tasty snack. I always eat too much, and throw up, But I'll soon be back For my-my-my-y-y woo!
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my-my-my-y-y woo! M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna. M-m-m-my bologna!
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