Paint this picture
Color it with casualties of hope and sorrow
Frame it with apathy
I find it hanging on a wall
that you disguise as faith and trusting
Intent is realized morning moves my head
My hands reach to feel your face
My hands fall empty
These memories can't fill their grasps

I begin to focus on
What I always thought i knew
Vomit my feelings
and spit them back at you
Indifference fails me
From the smile behind your eyes
In effect a failure
It seems just my size

fill me inside
how I need this
feel the inside
I can't take this
I open my arms just to miss you
only you can fill this hole

so full...sick of life
I feel so old I can't change this now
please show me how

marks that they have set before me
stones lain to show the paths for me to take
they have no foundation to hold me
hold me under falling
I slip through these cracks
forget me, dance on me
bruises turn to wounds
I tried, never good enough
with my eyes wide open
to follow you down
follow you inside
watching you
watching you drag me down
hold me under my failure
I drown, who are you to tell me that im less?
I drown, open my eyes to see
I see you are scared
I'll make it on my own it brings you down
that I find life everyone suffers for you
you look inside
inside you are drowing yourself.
inside the fear
burns feeling is lost grab
anything as the light fades away
hold me under my failure I drown
allow me to hold on or to reach
I've reached myself you kick
I bleed, you kick, I bleed for you

watching... (1)
watching my friends make
(2) all the things I've done
(3) you make the same...mistakes...
(1) how they make things change
(2) thought I wouldnt make
(3) that you watched me make regret...
(1) I hope I won't feel
(2) can't remove this pain
(3) the same things I do

learning...(1) from their mistakes
(2) things the hardest way
(3) things taught too late

wisdom...(1) I learn from watching
(2) that I've gained too late
(3) gained from someone else

feeling...(1) for the strength to make
(2) smarter by the day
(3) that I recognize

decisions...(1) that would seem smarter
(2) that I failed to make
(3) that I once had faced

integrity...(1) is what I strive for
(2) that I can't obtain
(3) part of saving face

...if you could see how
though time I've wasted on
I'll give you everything in time
I will, hold myself down
I will ive wasted on a chance for you to prove

watching...mistakes...regret...learning...
wisdom...feeling...decisions...integrity...

everytime I feel I'm bigger
realize I am the same
and you're knowing what im feeling
but I think I should escape myself
and watch it all slip by
and you're knowing what I'm feeling
situations I fall short in
where I thought that i would gain
and you're knowing what I'm feeling
but I think you should escape yourself
and watch it all slip by

watching...mistakes...regret...learning...
wisdom...feeling...decisions...integrity...

...if you could see how
though time I've wasted on
I'll give you everything in time
I will, hold myself down, I will
I've wasted on a chance for you to prove

how can I begin?
to tell you how I see this
just a name, a list
that has a greater meaning and it cries out
from a heart thats still beating
I can't change that now
God's hand, stealing
it cries out
a heart not beating its done
with now
and all for what reasons
I cannot imagine how
it must have hit you
can you hear my voice
or what im saying to you?
now your hands feel so cold
do you even know
how close you are to leaving?
I stand with this knot in throat
and you lay barely breathing
now your hands feel so cold
and it cries out....still crying out

I, I just..this will be the last time
if you leave I just want to fall...
this will be the last time
if you leave, I want to close my eyes
and imagine what is going on around me
as I fall through the sky...

this will come back to me a thousand times
the sound of the wind would cripple
the hearing of any other noise
violently I would reach the thick, gray clouds
and take a deep breath
if you leave I, ive washed away sins
from my mind

time, this all will be just wasted time
the cool air would fill my lungs
you says its hardly bleeding
I would feel the water droplets
form on my face
as I raced downward toward earth
but you can't see as closely as I can
feel faster and faster
we have all bled before
I would plummet toward the ground
we all know
it heals and goes away
it would be so cold
you can't understand why
I want it to stay chill
bumps would cover my ice cold body
thoughts of how great things change
are at the moment
and if your promise not to try
would dominate my mind thoughts
of the future gone forever...

I promise worries of what has happened
will be left in the clouds
the clouds would rain those worries
somewhere else
this time strange though
I think I hear traffic
I won't hurt you

And its felt like lead
To think to let anything else in
It is too heavy to stand
I won't push out

Please God this tears me apart
On the inside
You quit and you suck
And you are still the same
...As far as I can see

I wish to breathe
I can't take this change
I would rather stay here
With my hands gripping my throat

What now?
You find yourself on the outside?
What about them?
What about her?
What about all of your responsibility?

I find this in blood
For some...easy to walk away
I find that I can never break

God! This hurts
It tears me apart on the inside
I've quit, we are done
It seems that now youre the absentee

I still feel so much for you

sells me a way to give away
a way to be improved
I need more for my own thoughts
tear apart, the outside cultures in me
its what I need
ideas sucked away from me
its killing you
it what you need
see me, I need more of your empty lies
don't try to sell me?
I don't need this
don't try to sell me?
I won't be bought...
for less than nothing

twist perceptions for your use
your words hide intent with lies
I fall, fall back to the outside
my eyes see through these lies
don't try to sell me, reaching in...
I try to retain myself
feel myself losing, losing

don't tell me how
selling my thoughts
slaves for your use
feelings become the fuel to burn

eyes strain, my eyes
life spent, lost
you set yourself above
holding all in with fear
in time you'll see what you set above
on your tower on high
always standing,
laughing, pointing fingers at me
I cant feel I can't hold
I am not alive

I'm trying, trying
and I see its all the same
I look into you
nothing holds this fear
fear grips tight, tight in my mind
standards set by those
I don't know...still respect is due

I cant live by your selfish set of rules
I crawl to reach, to reach into
these words I've said

these words I've said leaves life so cold
so incomplete, so void leave life so cold

I've been down, helpless, still
I come here once again
feelings lost
extinction of what used to be
dwelling keeps me
from standing on my own

selfless dissection of emotion
emotion I have left inside
dredge this wound
salt of tears, then I fade away
slips away and fades

raising eyes to see you
anger is all I feel,
missed your forgiveness
just a witness of my own demise
searching these pieces
they cut me, you laugh as I bleed
swallow contradiction
just a victim of all I have inside

this pain just deepens
I can never let go
feel it numbing me
exist around you
everything I know
I've held myself down to
held myself down
so that I will never fall
all of this I feel I pour out for you
salvation, in the release of all that I feel

its the same story
the unhappy ending
I play the loser
that seems to be winning
I seem to be winning in your eyes

by my action I expose myself
I open to weakness
I fall to my own choices
feelings so far gone so...

here I am
opened for you to see
what you know

I'll determine I have tied my own hands
hands that hold these walls around

I've risked everything
now I feel myself breaking
you think I never needed
to hold anyone else?
I'm scared of losing more
you think you know me?
you think that I don't feel?
you think you what you mean to me?
you think I don't hope